Monthly Meeting Minutes - 15th November 2023

Date of Meeting: 15th November 2023

 

Location of Meeting:

The Sherloft, My House, Portsmouth, UK

 

Attendees:

"The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller)

 

Apologies:

"The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller) apologised for being late, explaining that he had had difficulty selecting which cardigan to wear.

Toast:

"The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller) gave the following toast to a coffee pot:

Coffee-pot, silver-plated,

Polished well and when rotated

Can perform the sneaky trick

Of showing Watson with a stick.

 

Presentation:

"The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller) presented the following short essay which was made all the better by his excellent choice of cardigan:

Sherlock Holmes and Suitrimony

The 528th sentence of the 12th chapter of The Sign of the Four reads:

“I should never marry myself, lest I bias my judgment.” (SIGN 12:528)

This has always struck me as unusual wording. When someone says “I should not eat chocolate cake, it makes me put on weight,” it is reasonable to interpret this as meaning “I do eat chocolate cake, even though I should not.” This is true in most negative uses of “I should”: “I should not stay in bed until noon,” “I should not tell people my secrets,” “I should stop the killings now.”

So, when Holmes says he “should never marry [him]self,” he is, by inference, telling us that he does marry himself.

Holmes, then, was an autogamous person who indulged in the practice of suitrimony – self-marriage.

But that is not all, the wording of “I should never marry myself” is suggestive of a repeated practice. The unspoken second half of this statement feels as if it should be “but I keep doing it.” So, not only did Holmes enter into a sologamous union with himself, but he repeatedly renewed his vows.

Is there any further evidence in The Canon of Holmes’s egophilia? I submit that there is plenty. Consider the following exchange between Holmes and Watson in the first chapter of The Valley of Fear:

“You have heard me speak of Professor Moriarty?”

“The famous scientific criminal, as famous among crooks as—”

“My blushes, Watson!” Holmes murmured in a deprecating voice.

“I was about to say, as he is unknown to the public.” (VALL 1:19-22)

This would certainly seem to suggest Holmes loves himself. Other such indications of sologamy include the following:

“Well, I have a trade of my own. I suppose I am the only one in the world.” (STUD 2:131-132)

“He knows that I am his superior” (STUD 3:57)

“Give me problems, give me work, give me the most abstruse cryptogram or the most intricate analysis, and I am in my own proper atmosphere.” (SIGN 1:31)

“I have a curious constitution. I never remember feeling tired by work, though idleness exhausts me completely.” (SIGN 8:193-194)

“When I said that you stimulated me I meant, to be frank, that in noting your fallacies I was occasionally guided towards the truth.” (HOUN 1:40)

“Indeed, your example is an unfortunate one for your argument,” said Holmes, taking the paper and glancing his eye down it. “This is the Dundas separation case, and, as it happens, I was engaged in clearing up some small points in connection with it... Take a pinch of snuff, Doctor, and acknowledge that I have scored over you in your example.” (IDEN 1:19-22)

“You know me too well to think that I am boasting when I say that I shall either confirm or destroy his theory by means which he is quite incapable of employing, or even of understanding.” (BOSC 1:85)

“I am the last court of appeal.” (FIVE 1:55)

“I suppose that I am commuting a felony, but it is just possible that I am saving a soul.” (BLUE 1:534)

“I had formed my conclusions as to the case before our client came into the room.” (NOBL 1:289)

“…I am exceptionally strong in the fingers…” (BERY 1:375)

Can one really read all of these statements from Holmes and reach any conclusion other than that he loves himself and wants everyone to know. It is not even a comprehensive list. I am certain the reader can bring one or two other examples of their own to mind. 

Devotees of The Canon will know already that Holmes’s attitude toward women was one of distrust bordering on misogyny. We know, then, that he never had a wife. Indeed, when he retired at a young age, he took himself off to the Sussex Downs where he remained unattached to another person:

“I, my old housekeeper, and my bees have the estate all to ourselves.” (LION 1:14)

The housekeeper would, at this time in English history, certainly have been a woman, who Holmes would have no interest in. Therefore, we can be quite certain that all the marriages Holmes partook of, were to himself and were for love rather than practical reasons.

Now that we can be assured that Holmes did enter in suitrimony, let us consider the sentiment of the original statement as a whole:

“I should never marry myself, lest I bias my judgment.”

Holmes seems to feel the act of suitrimony is somehow a bad thing which will, if he keeps renewing his vows, eventually ruin his ability to deduce, abduce and infer. How could this be?

For starters, there was a legal aspect to consider. Up until 2013, the only legal definition of marriage  in the UK was a union between a man and a woman. Even now, while same sex marriage has been legalised, the only number of people allowed to marry is two. I don’t know what kind of minister Holmes had found who was willing to carry out his marriage ceremonies, but both the minister and Holmes were toying with disgrace and legal action at every wedding of the happy single. This repeated flirting with disaster would be a cause for concern to Holmes. The more often he risked discovery, the more the fear would play on his mind. The more fear played on his mind, the less he would be able to concentrate on his work.

Secondly, Holmes was aware of the effect marriage and romance had upon his male acquaintances. In his early days he had seen what romantic entanglements led to for Butler Brunton (MUSG). This was by no means an isolated tale of woe. Consider the Dundas Separation Case (IDEN), the Gibson marriage (THOR), Ricoletti’s abominable wife (MUSG), Kate Whitney nagging Isa Whitney to give up his hobbies (TWIS), the unfortunate end of Lord Brackenstall's wedded bliss (ABBE), Mrs Barker's life wasted on a marriage built on a lie (CROO). The list of terrible marriages is almost as long as The Canon itself. Holmes, then, was presented with an unfortunately biased view of marriage. Being more likely to see bad marriages than good marriages (due to his line of work) it is understandable that he began to see the entire institution as something to be avoided.

Finally, we have Watson’s own explanation of Holmes’s desire to remain unwed:

“He never spoke of the softer passions, save with a gibe and a sneer. They were admirable things for the observer—excellent for drawing the veil from men's motives and actions. But for the trained reasoner to admit such intrusions into his own delicate and finely adjusted temperament was to introduce a distracting factor which might throw a doubt upon all his mental results. Grit in a sensitive instrument, or a crack in one of his own high-power lenses, would not be more disturbing than a strong emotion in a nature such as his.” (SCAN 1:7-10)

Holmes believed that by allowing himself to love, he would ruin his ability to think. Much though he strongly wished he could consummate his love for himself, he also wished to resist so that he could continue to be the best reasoner the world has ever known.

However, love will find a way. Holmes did end up marrying himself. Repeatedly. It was, no doubt, his inability to keep from suitrimony which led to Holmes’s early Sussex retirement. In his rural seclusion, he could indulge his fantasy without fear of persecution from onlookers or the need to worry about the detrimental effects a romantic relationship would have on his abilities as a consulting detective.

Any Other Business:

"The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller) once again wanged on about his new Canonical locations book - Finding Sherlock Holmes which is now available on Amazon:

US - https://a.co/d/hD1ErmO

UK - https://amzn.eu/d/0k0BZRb

(All other countries - just search "Finding Sherlock Holmes" on Amazon. I can't be bothered to do it for you.)

It has already been described as "the greatest book on any subject ever". But that was by "The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller) himself, so I'm not sure how reliable that is.