The Shingle of Southsea Holmesian Society
Monthly Meeting Minutes
Date of Meeting:
13th April 2018, 8pm
Location of Meeting:
The Sherloft, My House, Portsmouth, UK
Attendees:
"The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller)
Apologies:
I think it is probably best if we just let the whole matter drop.
The Toasts:
"The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller) decided to toast Mrs Hudson again.
Mrs Hudson,
On her knees,
Turns Holmes's head
A few degrees.
Motions:
1. "The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller) once again suggested that we should try to get some more members. Once again, no one seconded the motion. The rest of the Society stated that if "The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller) kept on making this suggestion at every meeting, he would be asked to leave.
Presentation:
"The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller) presented this pastiche he has written that is unlikely to make sense outside of the UK.
The Adventure of the Mis-Sold Payment Protection Insurance
It was late Autumn in the Spring of 1893, just after the turn of the century when Holmes turned to me in our rooms at 221b and asked why I was still hanging around. I try to explain to him that I had no desire to be hanging around and that I would be very grateful if he would release me from the noose, but unfortunately my restricted airways could only manage to produce a feeble gurgle. Holmes had many unusual habits, but this recent one of attempting to execute me every time I fell asleep was becoming something of a nuisance and, once he had cut me down and I had regained consciousness, I told him so.
"My dear Watson, you know how bored I have been since I gave up my experiments in live taxidermy." said he; "Were it not for the amusing look on your face when you wake up, I would have nothing to occupy my mind. But here, unless I am mistaken, is a telegram..."
At that moment, in walked our landlady, Mrs Hudson, bearing the telegram.
"Read it for me, would you, Watson." he said for reasons of plot development.
Unfolding the paper I began "You could be owed thousands for mis-sold PPI you did not need..."
When I regained consciousness, I was once again locked into the guillotine he kept for just such occasions.
"The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller) presented this vintage flyer he had found in amongst a pile of Victorian tractor catalogues in a little bookshop at the corner of Church Street. (You can click on it to see it bigger.)
"The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller) presented this list of all the stories of The Canon immeasurably improved:
Making the Stories of Sherlock Holmes Even Betterer
A Bodleian Library in Scarlet
The Massive Flashing Neon Sign of the Four
A Scuttle in Bohemia
The Robot-Headed League
A Couple of Crates of Identity
The Boscombe Valium Mystery
The Jaffa Orange Pips
The Man With the Twisted Nips
The Adventure of the Blue Limousine-Buncle
The Adventure of the Speckled Banjo
The Adventure of the Engineer's Bum
The Adventure of the Nobbley Batchelor
The Adventure of the Bevelled Cornice Edge
The Adventure of the Copper's Britches
Silver Towering Inferno
The Yelling Face
The Stock-Fixer's Clerk
The "Gorier Scott"
The Musmausoleum Ritual
The Reigate Squirtles
The Perfectly Vertical Man
The Resident Panther
The Grease Interpreter
The Navel Fluff Treaty
The Finaller Problem
The Adventure of the Empty - Apart From That Mysterious Looking Chest - House
The Adventure of the Normetal Builder
The Adventure of the Contemporary Jazz Dancing Men
The Adventure of the Solitary Satanist
The Adventure of the Aftery School
The Adventure of Technicolour Peter
The Adventure of Charles Septemberus Milverton
The Adventure of the Seventy-Three Napoleons
The Adventure of the Three Masters
The Adventure of the Platinum Pince-Nez
The Adventure of the Missing Four-Fifths
The Adventure of the Two Bee Grange
The Adventure of the Third and Fourth Stains and the Annoyed Cleaner
The Bloody Great Big Tiger of the Baskervilles. With Wings.
The Valley of Utterly Petrifying Terror
The Adventure of Wisteria Dislodged
The Adventure of the Hand-Carved Mahogany Box
The Adventure of the Red Dodecahedron
The Adventure of the Bruce-Wholeington Plans
The Adventure of the Tie-Dying Detective
The Disappearance of Lady Francis Caremail
The Adventure of the Devil's Foot, Ankle, Shin, Knee and Most of the Thigh
His Last But One Bow
The Wellustrious Client
The Blanched Android-Samurai
The Adventure of the Mazarin Boulder
The Adventure of the Three Clark Gables
The Adventure of the Sex Vampire
The Adventure of the Three Garibaldi Biscuits
The Problem of Odin Bridge
The Adventure of the Crapping Man
The Adventure of the Standon's Mane
The Adventure of the Veiled Badger
The Adventure of Shoscombe Brand Spanking New Place
The Adventure of the Still Very Much Working and in the Prime of Life Colourman
Any Other Business:
It was noted that there was only ever one egg-spoon mentioned in the Canon.
It was decided that the next meeting would be skipped. In its place a Society Awards Ceremony was scheduled for 18th May 2018 at 8pm. The awards ceremony will consist of six trophies. Winners will be decided by a vote. Every member of The Shingle of Southsea will vote on each award. Nominations for awards will be limited to members of The Shingle of Southsea. Entry to the ceremony will be by invitation only.
Here is a photo of The Shingle of Southsea enjoying their meeting:
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