Saturday, 12 August 2023

Monthly Meeting Minutes - 12th August 2023

Date of Meeting: 12th August 2023

 

Location of Meeting:

The Sherloft, My House, Portsmouth, UK

 

Attendees:

"The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller)

 

Apologies:

None.

 

Presentation:

"The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller) presented the following paper about the most pressing issue in Sherlockiana:

 

A Moss Rose by Any Other Name? 

 

Sooner or later, Sherlockian scholarship must address the burning question: Would Sherlock Holmes have been more successful if he'd been called Keith? As no one else seems to be willing to tackle this thorny subject, I will heroically step forward to open the debate. 

Perhaps the most difficult part of this question is the word “successful”. Success may be measured in so many ways that this is a very ambiguous question. I have chosen a small selection of popular interpretations of “success” and will address each in turn. 

 

IQ 

One of the most famous attributes of Sherlock Holmes is his intelligence. As Watson put it: “he was pre-eminent in intelligence.” While IQ tests are problematic they do give us a rough indication of intelligence so let us consider how Sherlock Holmes matches up to other great human minds. In his 1999 book, The Intelligence of Sherlock Holmes and Other Three-Pipe Problems, John Radford estimated Sherlock’s IQ at 190. 

Let us compare this to the top 50 recorded IQs*: 

Stephen Hawking: 160 

Paul Allen: 160-170 

Albert Einstein: 160-190 

Nicolaus Copernicus: 160-200 

Nikola Tesla: 160-310 

Emanuel Swedenborg: 165-210 

Jacob Barnett: 170 

Judit Polgar: 170 

Hypatia: 170-210 

Cleopatra: 180 

John H. Sununu: 180 

Marie Curie: 180-200 

Leonhard Euler: 180-200 

Galileo Galilei: 180-200 

John Stuart Mill: 180-200 

Leonardo da Vinci: 180-210 

Gottfried Leibniz: 182-205 

Srinivasa Ramanujan: 185 

Ettore Majorana: 183-200 

Thomas Young: 185-200 

Philip Emeagwali: 190 

Mislav Predavec: 190 

Richard Rosner: 190-195 

Isaac Newton: 190-210 

Voltaire: 190-200 

Rudolf Clausius: 190-205 

Christopher Langan: 190-210 

James Maxwell: 190-210 

Garry Kasparov: 194 

Evangelos Katsioulis: 198 

Nadia Camukova: 200 

Francis Galton: 200 

Michael Grost: 200 

Hugo Grotius: 200 

Thomas Wolsey: 200 

Sho Yano: 200 

Edith Stern: 200+ 

Nathan Leopold: 210 

William Shakespeare: 210 

Kim Ung-Yong: 210 

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe: 210-225 

Christopher Hirata: 225 

Marilyn vos Savant: 228 

Terence Tao: 225-230 

William James Sidis: 250+ 

Carl Gauss: 250-300 

Ainan Celeste Cawley: 263 

Marnen Laibow-Koser: 268 

Michael Kearney: 325 

Adragon De Mello: 400 

As you can see there are neither any Keiths nor Sherlocks on this list. In fact, there are only five names which recur in this list: John, Thomas, Christopher, Michael and William. The calculation is a simple one: 

Being named John would have lowered Holmes’s IQ by 3%. Being named Thomas would have raised it by 3%. Being named Christopher would have raised it 12%. Being named William would have raised it 21%. Being named Michael would have raised it 38%. But, most importantly to this study, being named Keith would have made no difference whatsoever to Sherlock Holmes’s IQ. 

 

Recognition 

For some, success is all about recognition. For a Victorian gentleman there could be no greater recognition than being honoured by the queen. We know from the Canon that Sherlock Holmes was once offered a knighthood, but refused the honour. Would he have received more royal recognition if he had been called Keith? A quick look at the incomplete “List of honorary British knights and dames” page on Wikipedia gives us all the information we could need. The name “Sherlock” does not appear once on the page. Neither does the name “Keith”. Sherlock did not appear because he did not wish to appear. Perhaps the same is true of Keith. It is certain that Keith Holmes would not have had more knighthoods than Sherlock Holmes, but we cannot say for certain whether Keith Holmes would have had fewer knighthoods than Sherlock Holmes. 

 

Ability As Detective 

As it was his chosen occupation, it is fair to consider Sherlock’s success based on his ability as a detective. From the 60 cases Watson elaborated on, we can see that he was, indeed, a very successful detective. However, there are other real-life detectives who are thought to be the greatest in the world**. They are listed here: 

Izzy Einstein 

Moe Smith 

Kiran Bedi 

Jay J Armes 

Alice Clement 

Dave Toschi 

William E Fairbairn 

Francois Vidocq 

Allan Pinkerton 

Mary Doyle 

Kate Warne 

Once again, we see that being called Keith would be neither a help nor a hindrance to Sherlock Holmes. As no name appears more than once on the list, it is fair to assume that none of these names are particularly detectivey. 

 

Wealth 

In these materialist times, wealth is often seen as a measure of success. By 1889 we know that Holmes could afford to “princely” payments for his rooms in Baker Street (DYIN). In 1894 he could afford to buy his cousin a doctor’s surgery just to get his chum to lodge with him again (NORW). There can be no doubt that Holmes’s career made him a wealthy man. But how rich might he have been if he had been called Keith? A list of history’s richest people*** sheds light on this: 

Mansa Musa of Mali (Unknown–c1337–9) 

John D Rockefeller (1839–1937) 

Andrew Carnegie (1835–1919) 

Marcus Licinius Crassus 'The Rich' (c115–53 BC) 

Nicholas II of Russia (1868–1918) 

Mir Osman Ali Khan (1886–1967) 

William the Conqueror (c1028–87) 

Jakob Fugger (1459–1525) 

Henry Ford (1863–1947) 

Cornelius Vanderbilt (1794–1877) 

If this list proves anything, it is that people with names that start with “M” are 33% more likely to be wealthy than most other letters of the alphabet. As neither “Sherlock” nor “Keith” start with M, neither name has a wealth-advantage. 

 

Fame 

Perhaps the most commonly used adjective to describe Holmes is “famous”. To many, this may be considered a type of success. Very few people in the world don’t know who Sherlock Holmes is. Indeed, most would know him just by his hat or pipe. On screen, he has been portrayed more than any other human. But how would his fame have been affected by being called Keith Holmes? 

To know this, we must understand what made Holmes famous in the first place. This is easily explained. It comes down to three things – his hat, his pipe and his catchphrase. 

Everyone knows what a Sherlock hat is. But what is a Keith hat? Ask Google and it will suggest that you mean a fedora, as this is the type of hat worn by Keith Richards. Although Keith Richards and Sherlock Holmes share an interest in recreational drug use, Richards is not a very good detective and Sherlock would have failed in his chosen career if he had been forced to wear a Keith hat instead of a Sherlock hat. 

Similarly, everyone knows what a Sherlock pipe is. A Keith Pipe, on the other hand, is a man who is on the board of directors for Balfour Beatty Management, and his mention in this essay is probably the most attention he has received in his entire life. 

As hats and pipes were a big deal for a long time, the Sherlock hat and Sherlock pipe went a long way to making Holmes famous. However, in recent years things have changed - hat wearing and pipe smoking have fallen out of favour. Sherlock’s fame was built on the hat and pipe, but it remains strong due to a third advantage he has – the catchphrase. It is through the daily repetition of his name in the phrase “No shit, Sherlock,” that Sherlock Holmes remains in the collective consciousness of humanity. Were it not for this phrase and our unerring commitment to talking down to each other, Sherlock Holmes would probably be forgotten today. The real strength of this phrase is the alliteration. The “sh” of “shit” and “Sherlock” make it a joy to say. “No shit, Sherlock” has a poetic sound and cadence that “No shit, Keith” could never match. True, we might resort to “No crap, Keith”, but it is barely comparable in terms of eloquence. 

 

In conclusion then, while, superficially, Keith Holmes might have very few disadvantages compared to Sherlock Holmes, the failure of his catchphrase would have been disastrous for his fame. This lack of fame would have resulted in less work and therefore less wealth and recognition. Compared to Sherlock Holmes, Keith Holmes would have been just as intelligent, but utterly frustrated by the lack of opportunity to make the most of his abilities. Most likely he would be insane by the time he was thirty and proceed to work his way through every interpretation of “failure” known to man. With this proven we can finally state that Sherlock Holmes would NOT have been more successful if he'd been called Keith. 

 

*I have no idea where these IQs come from. But I found them listed on a website on the internet, so I am sure they are perfectly sound. 

**I have no idea how these detectives have been judged to be greatest. But I found them listed on a website on the internet, so I am sure they are perfectly sound. 

*** I have no idea how the wealth of these people has been calculated. But I found them listed on a website on the internet, so I am sure they are perfectly sound. 

 

Any Other Business:

"The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller) spoke about chapter five of Sherlock Slept Here by Howard Latchman and how it was well worth a read.

Sunday, 16 July 2023

Monthly Meeting Minutes - 16th July 2023

Date of Meeting: 16th July 2023

 

Location of Meeting:

The Sherloft, My House, Portsmouth, UK

 

Attendees:

"The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller)

 

Apologies:

None.

 

Motions:

"The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller) moved that we should move AOB to the start of the meeting so he could tell us all about his new book "Finding Sherlock Holmes" which is currently on Kickstarter. It is a comprehensive guide to all the locations in England which are mentioned in the Sherlock Holmes Canon. It covers more locations than any other similar work produced so far. It goes all the way from big locations like Baskerville hall down to small one's like the stone cutter's mentioned briefly in The Mazarin Stone. Aiming to be a genuinely useful guidebook, but still very much in the voice of "The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller) it is a work "The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller) is very proud to be bringing to the Holmesian community.

It can be found at http://kck.st/44kF8Ze

No one seconded the motion. "The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller) agreed that he would mention  it at the end of the meeting instead.


Presentation:

"The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller) presented the following long rambling and intentionally boring paper about horror movies and Sherlock Holmes:


Amicus  Portmanteau Horrors and Sherlock Holmes

 One of my favourite Holmesian past-times has to be ruining whatever my family are watching on telly by informing them which Holmes productions the actors have been in instead of letting them listen to the show. One of wife’s favourite things to watch is the set of seven portmanteau horror films produced by the Amicus Productions film company, between 1965 and 1974. As a result of this I have made a study of the actors of these films and the Holmesian links that they have. Here, I will confine this study to screen productions.

 For those not in the know, a portmanteau horror film is a single film consisting of several shorter films, usually with a connecting story linking the different segments together. The seven Amicus portmanteaus are:

 Dr. Terrors House of Horrors (1965) (hereafter TERR) in which a mysterious stranger in a train carriage shows his fellow travelers their potential supernatural futures.

Torture Garden (1967) (hereafter TORT) in which a mysterious side show owner shows some fairground goers  their potential supernatural futures.

The House that Dripped Blood (1971) (hereafter HOUS) in which an estate agent tells a police inspector the mysterious supernatural stories associated with a particular house.

Tales from the Crypt (1972) (hereafter CRYP) in which a mysterious stranger shows five people on a catacomb tour the supernatural story of their own deaths.

Asylum (1972) (hereafter ASYL) in which a psychiatrist is shown around a mysterious mental asylum being told the supernatural stories of the inmates.

The Vault of Horror (1973) (hereafter VAUL) in which five strangers meet in the basement of an office block and share the stories of their mysterious supernatural dreams with each other.

And, finally, From Beyond the Grave (1974) (hereafter BEYO) in which a mysterious antique shop owner sells people items which lead them into supernatural stories.

 I have also included three related films in my study:

 Tales That Witness Madness (Paramount, 1973) (hereafter WITN) is a clear pastiche of the Amicus portmanteaus. Like Asylum, this is based in a mysterious mental asylum where a psychiatrist learns the supernatural stories of the inmates.

The Uncanny (Rank Organisation, 1977) (hereafter UNCA) is another Amicus pastiche. In this one a mysterious writer tells his publisher supernatural stories about cats in an attempt to save the world from feline domination.

Finally, The Monster Club (Chips Productions, 1981) (MONS) is very much a parody of the Amicus films. A vampire invites a horror writer to a mysterious club for supernatural creatures and tells him the stories of some of the monsters found within.

 Starring in seven of these ten films, Peter Cushing was the obvious person to start with. He was Dr. Terror in TERR, Lancelot Canning in TORT, Philip in HOUS, Grimsdyke in CRYP, Smith in ASYL, the proprietor in BEYO and Wilbur in UNCA. Notably, in TERR, BEYO and UNCA he is the central character in the all-important connecting "framework" story. In Holmesian terms Cushing is an easy win. As well as playing Arthur Conan Doyle in the 1976 film The Great Houdini, he also played Sherlock Holmes in three separate productions: the Hammer production of The Hound of the Baskerville (1959), the second series of the British TV show Sherlock Holmes (1968) and Sherlock Holmes and the Masks of Death (1984).

In Sherlock Holmes and the Masks of Death Cushing was joined by Ray Milland in the role of "home secretary". He had joined Cushing before when he played Frank Richards - Cushing’s publisher - in UNCA. UNCA would also see Samantha Eggar in the role of Edina Hamilton (segment "Hollywood 1936"). Holmesians will be more familiar with her as Mary Morstan Watson in The Seven-Per-Cent Solution (1976), the same film which saw Charles Gray play Mycroft Holmes three years after his role as Nicholas in WITN's framework story. This was not the last time he played Mycoft - he reprised the role in three of the Jeremy Brett series (The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes (1984), The Return of Sherlock Holmes (1988) and The Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes (1994)) that are so adored by Sherlockians the world over. Elsewhere in the Adventures… series Jeremy Kemp took on the role of Dr Grimesby-Roylott. This is not his only Holmesian credential - he also played Baron Karl von Leinsdorf in The Seven-Per-Cent Solution. In the Amicus universe though, he is known for the character of Jerry Drake (segment "Creeping Vine") in TERR. In this segment Jerry Drake tries to assist a family being plagued by a killer plant. The mother of this family is Ann Rogers who is played by Ann Bell who Holmesians will instantly recognise as Peter Cushing’s Mary Morstan from his 1968 version of The Sign of Four as part of his Sherlock Holmes series.

Another episode from this series - Black Peter - gave us Jerold Wells in the role of Patrick Cairns. Just five years later he would hit the big screen in VAUL as "Waiter" (segment "Midnight Mess"). This segment is a fun one for Holmesians as it features Anna Massey who was married to Jeremy Brett for four years. She was also the daughter of Raymond Massey who had played Sherlock Holmes in 1931’s The Speckled Band. In VAUL Anna played Donna Rogers whose brother - Harold Rogers - is trying to kill her. Harold was played by Anna’s real life brother Daniel Massey. Holmesians will be more familiar with Daniel in his role of Trelawney Hope from "The Second Stain" episode of the Peter Cushing's 1968 Sherlock Holmes series or J. Neil Gibson from the Jeremy Brett version of "The Problem of Thor Bridge" from the 1991 series The Case-Book of Sherlock Holmes. A more villainous episode from this series was "The Illustrious Client" in which we saw Baron Gruner portrayed by Anthony Valentine. Ten years previously he had been just as scary in his performance from MONS as Mooney (segment "Vampire Story") a story which saw him hunting down the charater of "father" played by Richard Johnson. In 1991 Richard Johnson played Dr Watson to Charleton Heston’s Holmes in The Crucifer of Blood.

In 1965’s A Study in Terror the same role - Dr Watson - had been taken by Donald Houston, the same person who played Sam in the "Mr. Tiger" segment of WITN. The part of Fay in the same WITN segment was taken by Georgia Brown who has two memorable Holmesian roles: Frau Freud in The Seven-Per-Cent Solution and Rachel in the Peter Cushing Sherlock Holmes version of "The Musgrave Ritual". This was the same series that gave us the memorable performance of Christopher Carlos as Lucus in the episode Wisteria Lodge. Amicus fans will know Carlos better as Vrim from the Voodoo segment of TERR.

A similarly pivotal role in TERR was taken by Faith Kent who gave a scintillating performance as "Lady in Art Gallery" during the "Disembodied Hand" segment. Almost as good was her performance in Hands of a Murderer (1990) as Mrs. Husdon to Edward Woodward’s Holmes.

A similar star of TERR’s "Disembodied Hand" segment was Walter Sparrow who valiantly took on the part of "Second Ambulance Man". That’s right - the same Walter Sparrow who would, in 1985, play the part of Ethan Engel in Young Sherlock Holmes.

Indeed, that "Disembodied Hand" segment is littered with Holmesian stars. Michael Gough plays one of the main characters of the story - an artist named Eric Landor. Gough is famous enough in his own right, but to devotees of the great detective he will always be known as Russel Partridge from The Case of the Perfect Husband - an episode from the Ronald Howard 1950s series Sherlock Holmes. The star of the first episode from this series was Ursula Howells in the role of Joan (episode: "The Case of the Cunninham Heritage"). Ursula went on to appear in two of the Amicus films: TERR as Mrs. Deirdre Biddulph (segment "Werewolf") and TORT as Miss Maxine Chambers (segment "Mr. Steinway").

The Framework story of TORT heavily involves Michael Ripper. Despite being the barman in just about every British horror movie of the 60s and 70s, this is Rippers only appearance in the Amicus portmanteaus. Similarly, he only ever appeared once in a Holmesian role, that of Stanley Fluff in one episode of the kids' tv show The Baker Street Boys (1983) which centred more around the Baker Street Irregulars than Roger Ostime’s portrayal of Sherlock Holmes. Ripper’s co-star in the TORT framework story is Burgess Meredith - best know as one of the Batman villains from the 1960’s Adam West series. He appeared in twenty-one epsiodes as The Penguin. Less well remembered is the villain Egghead who only appeared in seven episodes. Egghead was a baddy with a big bald bonce who battled Batman with his big brains and bad egg puns. This role was played by Vincent Price.

Vincent Price is known to Holmesians as Professor Ratigan from Disney’s 1986 film The Great Mouse Detective. In the world of portmanteau horrors he is better known as Eramus - the vampire from the framework story of MONS. This framework story involves vampire Erasmus inviting horror author R. Chetwynd-Hayes to join him at the eponymous Monster Club. R. Chetwynd-Hayes is played by John Carradine, who Holmesians will know as Barryman, the butler (renamed from the canon’s original "Barrymore") from Basil Rathbone’s The Hound of the Baskervilles. The Henry Baskerville of this film was played by Richard Greene who also played Jason in the "Wish You Were Here" segment of CRYP and Lord Brompton in the episode "The Case of the Purloined Letter" from the 1970s series Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson which starred Geoffrey Whithead as Sherlock Holmes in a series which mostly rehashed stories from the old Ronald Howard series.

Another actor from the Geoffrey Whitehead series was Geoffrey Bayldon who played Morton Hadlock in "The Case of the Deadly Tower". This was not his only Holmesian role, he also played Sidney Johnson in the episode "The Bruce-Partington Plans" from Jeremy Brett’s The Return of Sherlock Holmes series. He had also had four roles in the portmanteau horrors. He was a psychiatrist in the "Shadmock Story" segment of MONS, Max in the segment "Mannikins of Horror" from ASYL, the guide from the framework story of CRYP and Theo Von Hartmann from the segment "The Cloak" in HOUS.

The main character from "The Cloak" section of HOUS was Paul, who was portrayed by Jon Pertwee. Jon Pertwee is most famous for two roles - the third Doctor in Doctor Who and Worzel Gummidge. In an episode of Worzel Gummidge Down Under from 1989 called "Elementary, My Dear Worty" the eponymous scarecrow investigates a crime by changing his head for a Sherlock Holmes head.

In HOUS, it is the dissapearnce of Pertwee’s character - Paul - which is the focus of the framework story, in which Det. Insp. Holloway is conducting the investigation. Holloway is played by John Bennett. This is not the only Dr Who/Sherlock Holmes connection he has, as he also worked with the forth Doctor on the Doctor Who story line “The Talons of Wen-Chiang”. Set in victorian London, Tom Baker’s doctor inexplicably goes around dressed as Sherlock Holmes for the entire six episode story. However, a more solid Holmesian connection for John Bennet can be found in 1991 when he played Dr. Sigmund Freud in the Christopher Lee film Sherlock Holmes and the Leading Lady.

Christopher Lee, like Peter Cushing, is another interesting person in this study. He appeared in significant parts for two of the Amicus films: In TERR he was Franklyn Marsh in the segment "Disembodied Hand" and in HOUS he was Reid in the segment "Sweets to the Sweet". In Holmesian terms he is far more accomplished. In Cushing’s 1959 The Hound of the Baskervilles he took the part of Sir Henry, in 1970s The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes he played Mycroft and he also played Sherlock Holmes himself in three movies: Sherlock Holmes and the Deadly Necklace (1962), Sherlock Holmes and the Leading Lady (1991) and Sherlock Holmes: Incident at Victoria Falls (1992).

Sherlock Holmes: Incident at Victoria Falls involves encounters with many famous figures of the day. Among them is King Edward who is portrayed by Joss Ackland - another multi-Holmes actor. Ackland can also be seen as Hon. Philip Green in "The Disappearance of Lady Frances Carfax" episode of Douglas Wilmer’s 1964 series Sherlock Holmes, the President in John Cleese’s The Strange Case of the End of Civilization as We Know It (1977) and Jephro Ruscastle in "The Copper Beeches" episode of Jeremy Brett’s The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes. However, he only ever took one role in the Amicus universe - that of Rogers in the"Waxworks" segment of HOUS. The proprietor of the Waxworks museum in question in this segment was played by Wolfe Morris who Holmesians will know as from his portrayal of "frenchman" in Gene Wilder’s 1975 film The Adventure of Sherlock Holmes' Smarter Brother. Another, equally significant character in this movie was Fred who was played by Tommy Godfrey. Tommy also had multiple roles in the Geoffrey Whitehead series Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson. He played Smith in the episodes "A Motive for Murder" and "The Case of Smith & Smythe" and Jack Driscoll in "The Case of the Luckless Gambler". He also had two roles in the Amicus Films: Landlord in VAUL and Mr. Jeffries  in BEYO.

BEYO also gave us Nyree Dawn Porter in the role of Susan Warren from the segment "The Elemental". This is the same Nyree Dawn Porter who played ann in HOUS’s "Sweets to the Sweet" and Lady Brackenstall in Douglas Wilmer’s Sherlock Holmes episode "The Abbey Grange". This Douglas Wilmer series had repeat appearances from Peter Madden as Inspector Lestrade. However when the series was recommissioned with Peter Cushing in the title role in 1968, he transformed into Bill McCarthy for "The Boscombe Valley Mystery" episode. He also managed to bag the role of Von Tirpitz in 1970’s The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes. Five years previously, though, he had wowed audiences as Caleb in the "Werewolf" segment of TERR. The "Vampire" segment of the same movie centred around Dr. Bob Carroll who was ably portrayed by Donald Sutherland just fourteen years before he would become known to Holmesians as Robert Lees in the Christopher Plummer movie Murder by Decree.

In 1965 Donald Sutherland had appeared in a one-off TV special called Terry-Thomas Says How Do You Do? Unsurprisiningly, this was hosted by Terry-Thomas. Eight years later Terry-Thomas would appear as neat-freak Arthur Critchit in the VAUL segment "The Neat Job". Another five years would pass before he reached the radar of Holmesians as Dr. Mortimer in the unwatchable 1978 classic The Hound of the Baskervilles which starred Peter Cook as a confusing interpretation of Sherlock. This film also gave us a Beryl Stapleton played by Joan Greenwood. The same Joan Greenwood who a year earlier had played Miss Malkin in the "London 1912" segment of UNCA. This segment also gave us Susan Penhaligon as Janet (Penhaligon would later be cast as Miss Derwent in Sherlock Holmes and the Masks of Death) and Simon Williams as Michael. Simon Williams will be recognised as Lord Robert St. Simon from Jeremy Brett’s "The Eligible Bachelor" in the series The Case-Book of Sherlock Holmes. In the epsiode "The Disappearance of Lady Francis Carfax" from the same series, the role of The Earl of Rufton was given to Michael Jayston who was already known to portmanteau fans as Brian from the "Mel" segment of WITN.

The only other actor from WITN who interests me is Leon Lissek who played Keoki in the "Luau" segment. I am sure the reader doesn’t need me to remind them of his performance as "stage door-keeper" in the Christopher Lee TV movie Sherlock Holmes and the Leading Lady. Christopher Lee followed this film up a year later with Sherlock Holmes: Incident at Victoria Falls in which Lord Roberts is played by Richard Todd who had previously treated us to his Walter in the "Frozen Fear" segment of ASYL. ASYL is also where many will have first encountered Barry Morse in his role as Bruno (segment "The Weird Tailor"). Morse got his Holmesian credentials from appearing as Carter Morstan in The Return of Sherlock Holmes. This was the Michael Pennington 1987 TV movie, not the Jeremy Brett Series.

Jeremy Brett, though, was responsible for many of the actors in this study. For example, Maurice Denham appeared as Reverend Merridew in "The Last Vampyre" episode of The Case-Book of Sherlock Holmes as well as Josiah Amberley in Douglas Wilmers "The Retired Colourman". In the world of Amicus he had already been Uncle Roger in the "Enoch" section of TORT.

TORT also gave us Fred in the "Terror Over Hollywood" segment, played by James Copeland who we will never forget after he performed as "guide" in The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes. You might know him better as Selris from the Doctor Who "Krotons" storyline in 1968/69. The fourth Doctor did not encounter the Krotons, but, as already stated, he did once dress up as Shelock Holmes and his actor, Tom Baker did protray Sherlock once in a TV series version of The Hound of the Baskervilles in 1982. In the Amicus universe Tom Baker was the tortured artist Moore in the VAUL segment "Drawn and Quartered". One of the villains of this segment is Lawrence Diltant, played by Denholm Elliott. This is not Denholm’s only Amicus role - he also played Charles in the "Method for Murder" segement of HOUS. More importantly, Denholm Elliott has had three screen roles in Holmesian productions: Stapleton in the Peter Cook version of The Hound of the Baskervilles, Dr. Mortimer in the Ian Richardson version of The Hound of the Baskervilles (1983) and the "English delegate" in The Strange Case of the End of Civilization as We Know It. This last was a TV film which featured John Cleese as the grandson of Sherlock Holmes. It also featured Maurice Kaufmann playing the role of Steve McGarrett. Kaufmann was also in the "Drawn and Quartered" segment of VAUL.

The VAUL segment "This Trick'll Kill You" also gave us a few Sherlockian links. The character Inez was played by Dawn Addams who had previously been Doreen Meredith in "The Case of the Careless Suffragette" episode of Ronald Howard’s series. In VAUL Inez attempted to steal the magic of a fakir played by Ishaq Bux. Bux was Jeremy Brett’s Lal Chowder in his 1987 version of The Sign of Four.

Other stars of VAUL include Erik Chitty who played "old waiter" in the "Midnight Mess" segment as well as Walter in Douglas Wilmer’s version of "The Bruce-Partington Plans".

Similarly, the "Bargain in Death" segment of VAUL gave us Edward Judd as Alex. Judd would go on to portray Barrymore in Ian Richardson’s The Hound of the Baskervilles. Ian Richardson might be better known for his portayal of Doyle’s mentor - Dr Joseph Bell - in the BBC TV series Murder Rooms: Mysteries of the Real Sherlock Holmes. One episode of this, in 2000, saw John Malcolm in his iconic role of "doctor in street". He had also once been given the part of Tangey in Jeremy Brett’s version of "The Naval Treaty" for The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes. In horror terms, though, he was known as Police Sergeant Martin from the framework story in HOUS.

This leaves just five actors to talk about.

 James Villiers was Lord Cantlemere in Jeremy Brett’s "Mazarin Stone" for The Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes, but was also George in the "Lucy Comes to Stay" segment of ASYL. George is brother to an unstable character called Barbara who is played by Charlotte Rampling. In 1976 Rampling would go on to play Irene Adler to Roger Moore’s Sherlock Holmes in Sherlock Holmes in New York.

Perhaps the strangest character in ASYL was Byron in the segment "Mannikins of Horror" who was played by Herbert Lom. Lom played his most famous character - police chief Dreyfus (of Pink Panther fame) - in a little known Czech film Sherlock Holmes V Pánském Klubu Aneb Komisar Dreyfus Zasahuje (which loosely translates as Sherlock Holmes in the Gentlemen's Club or Commissioner Dreyfus Intervenes). I can’t find anything out about this film, but it seems to me that Sherlock’s only involvement is in the title.

UNCA gave us Donald Pilon in the role of Mr. Blake (segment "Quebec Province 1975"). This is not the same Donald Pilon who was Geoffrey Whiteheads Dr Watson in Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson so he is entirely irrelevant to this study and I’d have done better not to mention him. However, Martin Boddey, who played the "husband" in CRYP’s "And All Through the House" segment, did once appear as Sam Merton in a 1951 BBC production of The Adventure of the Mazarin Stone. It was made as part of the For The Children series. Sadly no footage survives.

As you can see, then, there are many ways to annoy someone who is trying to watch one of these portmanteau horror films, which makes it a great hobby.


Any Other Business:

"The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller) spoke about his new book "Finding Sherlock Holmes" which is currently on Kickstarter. It is a comprehensive guide to all the locations in England which are mentioned in the Sherlock Holmes Canon. It covers more locations than any other similar work produced so far. It goes all the way from big locations like Baskerville hall down to small one's like the stone cutter's mentioned briefly in The Mazarin Stone. Aiming to be a genuinely useful guidebook, but still very much in the voice of "The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller) it is a work "The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller) is very proud to be bringing to the Holmesian community.

It can be found at http://kck.st/44kF8Ze

 

Sunday, 4 June 2023

Monthly Meeting Minutes - 4th June 2023

 Date of Meeting: 4th June 2023

 

Location of Meeting:

The Sherloft, My House, Portsmouth, UK

 

Attendees:

"The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller)

 

Apologies:

What else could "The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller) be? All apologies.

 

Toast:

"The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller) provided the following toast to Sherlock Holmes:


Stick a trumpet up your bum.

Tape some geese to the sun.

Catch an egret having fun.

Sherlock Holmes is Number One.


Presentation:

"The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller) presented the following "fun" game:


Holmesian Cryptic Crossword.

The aim is to solve this cryptic crossword and then discover what links all of the answers.

You should find you can click on the image of the crossword grid to see it enbiggened and then you can print it off.



CLUES:


Across

5 Crook in lexicon Victor uses (7) 

7 Killer of two donkeys and Indiana (8) 

9 Savage midget plus one male, is terra firma queen (7,8) 

10 Low notes in El Minya Airport make ambassador's home (7) 

13 Head teacher leaves charting crucifix for train station (7,5) 

14 Faculty member for posers possibly (9) 

15 Aficionado Connor has mixed up issue inside (11) 

16 You'd be misguided to be lead up this way (6,4) 

17 Organisation of loud, brave, wide street (9) 

20 Roof wallops, we hear, is used to secure a letter (7-3) 

23 Egyptian city of Alex and Ria (10) 

24 Flower in coins for communities of monks (11) 

25 Ray erects mangled clerk (9) 

28 Heartless red letter day speech makes a scarlet parasite (3,5) 

29 Scuttle scuttle meat (7) 

30 Choose ninety-nine Ians to be eye specialists (9) 

31 Flipped artificial intelligence after broken bries for this cold region (7) 

32 Blair ires confused book lenders (9) 

36 Ancient Egyptian policeman twitch? (6) 

39 Bride in Malawi feeds horses (4) 

40 A little application before small bird in ease creates craving for food (8) 

42 Talk pig meat for Kent town (7) 

43 Emphasise electric coin (6) 

45 Drunken plod aims for qualifications (8) 


Down

1 Another country in Cyprus, Siam and Sweden (6) 

2 Find his list in confusion for those who believe existence is senseless (9) 

3 Friend and fiends establish reused writing material (10) 

4 Result of milking ponies? A harsh howl (6,6) 

6 Edward in sweeper chamber (7) 

8 Interrogation of angry assessment (5-11) 

11 Mr Swan nets spider homes (7) 

12 Rub back with French water for a writing desk (6) 

13 Rural lass troubled groin curtly (7,4) 

18 Clutched chlorine as performance-enhancing drug (7) 

19 Dad's herb alley (7) 

20 Sights for sight (10) 

21 Sound of walking twelve inch Saint episodes (9) 

22 Quote about Texan leader next to french train station for smoker (9) 

26 Confused chosen kit for a wide snout (5,4) 

27 Small container seen in photograph I always carry (5) 

31 Sounds like Susan is team hara-kiri (7) 

33 Furniture in gazebo. OK. Case closed (8) 

34 Mr Damon in gallium carpeting (7) 

35 Pelt line trench (6) 

37 Bee Gees hit upset Ed Garty (7) 

38 Disappear around right lacquer (7) 

41 Documents primate in present tense (6) 

44 Mixed up rock that floats (4)


Nobody at The Shingle of Southsea's meeting was able to complete the crossword or solve the mystery of what links all the answers. As such, we are throwing the competition open to all readers of The Shingle of Southsea's meeting minutes. The first person to send a correctly completed grid and the correct answer to dearbuck@outlook.com will be the proud winner of a voucher for some radishes and a severe ignoring, redeemable at their nearest Sherloft.


Any other business:

"The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller) requested that there be more cold beer at the next meeting as The Sherloft is unbearably hot at this time of year.

Monday, 1 May 2023

Monthly Meeting Minutes - 1st May 2023

Date of Meeting: 1st May 2023

 

Location of Meeting:

The Sherloft, My House, Portsmouth, UK

 

Attendees:

"The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller)

 

Apologies:

"The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller) confirmed he was present and refused to apologise.

 

Toast:

"The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller) provided the following toast to Watson's sexual prowess:


Some say Watson had one wife,

Some say he married six.

To be honest, we can't really tell:

Without clay there's no bricks.

However many wives he had,

We can all agree upon

The sexual prowess of our man - 

Of good old Three-Con-John.


Presentation:

"The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller) presented the following paper on Unstuck Watson Theory:


Unstuck Watson Theory

 

LISTEN:

John H. Watson has come unstuck in time.

Watson has gone to sleep a multiple widower and woken up on his first wedding day. He has walked through a door in 1903 and come out another one in 1881. He has gone back through that door to find himself in 1914. He has seen his birth and death many times, he says, and pays random visits to all the adventures in between...

Watson first came unstuck while the second Afghan war was in progress. Watson was an Assistant Surgeon in the war... There he was struck on the shoulder by a Jezail bullet, which shattered the bone and grazed the subclavian artery... This was when Watson first came unstuck in time. His attention began to swing grandly through the full arc of his life, passing into death, which was violet light... then Watson swung into life again, going backwards until he was in pre-birth, which was red light... then he swung into life again and stopped. He was a little boy taking a shower with his hairy father at the miners' camp in Ballarat...

 

The problems in Watson's testimony are myriad for those wish to establish a chronology of the adventures of Sherlock Holmes. However, a recent rereading of Slaughterhouse 5 by Kurt Vonnegut suggested to me a solution to many of these problems. Is it possible that, like Billy Pilgrim, Watson was "spastic in time" with "no control over where he is going next"?

In brief, for those unfamiliar with Billy Pilgrim - the central character of Kurt Vonnegut's Slaughterhouse 5 - he does not experience time the same way the rest of us do. Picture his life as the series of sounds taking place one after another on a vinyl record. Rather than passing through these events in order, Billy's consciousness jumps about from moment to moment, like a needle skipping about on the record at random. He replays snatches of his life over and over with no control over which part of his life he will experience next. [By no means does this explanation do justice to the work of Vonnegut. I urge you to stop reading this and go read his book if you haven't read it already.]

I once tried to create a Holmesian chronology which started from the premise that the facts Watson gave us in the Canon are all correct. The result was a book called "Watson Does Not Lie". It is a book which almost all Holmesian chronologists can agree is utter horse-shit. By taking Watson's word for everything, you end up with a chronology that involves many significant problems. But by reviewing these through the lens of Unstuck Watson Theory (hereafter U.W.T.) many of these problems may actually be resolved.

Before I proceed, I need to make one point very clear. In order for U.W.T. to be a viable explanation for Holmesian chronological issues, it is first necessary to establish that Billy Pilgrim was much better and keeping track of his life than Watson was. Despite finding the experience disorientating at times, Billy Pilgrim usually managed to keep the segments of his life coherent to more linear onlookers. Watson had a far more chaotic reaction to his Temporal Spasmodic Disorder. The confusion it caused him is what led to the confusion he created on the page.

Let us next examine some of the more famous chronological problems and how U.W.T. makes sense of them:

 

Multiple Marriages

The number of Watson's marriages is problematic for anyone who pays attention to the dates in the Canon. By my reckoning, Watson works out to have had at least six wives. Some of these marriages only lasted a few weeks. My explanations for this in Watson Does Not Lie were tenuous at best. However, it is difficult to make sense of the Canon if one tries to reduce the marriage count to just Mary Morstan and the mystery wife of 1903 ("January, 1903... The good Watson had at that time deserted me for a wife" - Sherlock Holmes, BLAN). If Mary was Watson's only pre-1903 wife, consider the following:

When Watson first shacks up with Holmes it seems clear that he has no wife. He describes himself as having "neither kith nor kin in England." (STUD)

John H. Watson and Mary Morstan become engaged at the end of SIGN. By my calculations, this is at the end of July 1888, and we are given every reason to believe that this is Watson's first marriage - no other wives are mentioned in the Canon.

However, in SCAN, which Watson states began on 20th March 1888, he says that he had drifted away from Holmes because of his marriage. This seems to suggest that Watson managed to marry Mary four months before he proposed to her.

But we know this can't be the case because in ENGR he refers to "the summer of ’89, not long after my marriage" suggesting that Watson actually married Mary in spring 1889.

U.W.T. immediately makes sense of this situation. When Watson states that he "had seen little of Holmes lately" because his "marriage had drifted us away from each other", this is because his consciousness had been passing through events sometime after spring 1889. Then, while "returning from a journey to a patient" he time-slipped to 20th March 1888 - a full year before he would get married and four months before he would meet his wife. From Watson's perspective this all made sense. It is only from our limited viewpoint that the dates seem confusing.

 

The Date of Wisteria Lodge

The Wisteria Lodge date is an infamous problem. FINA and EMPT make it clear that between 4th May 1891 and 1st April 1894 Holmes was on The Great Hiatus - that period of time when almost everyone believed Holmes was dead, but he was actually off having fun on a tour of Eurasia. However, Watson seems to explicitly state that Holmes travelled with him to Wisteria Lodge in 1892.

My previous explanation for this in "Watson Does Not Lie" is, frankly, ludicrous. But U.W.T. provides a much better answer. First, we need to consider where we get the date for this case from. What Watson actually states is:

"I find it recorded in my notebook that it was a bleak and windy day towards the end of March in the year 1892.  Holmes had received a telegram while we sat at our lunch, and he had scribbled a reply..."

Watson was relying on an entry he made in a diary when he wrote this story up in 1908. It seems obvious to me that the diary of a temporally unstuck individual might well be a chaotic book. Watson might well have been in March 1892 in his room, but as he travelled to the table to have lunch he could have time-slipped to any other date when Holmes was around. Watson sat down to lunch, and began idly writing in his diary. He could easily put the wrong date at the top of the page before realising he had time-slipped. He later returned to his diary to write up the day’s events, unaware he was jotting them down under the wrong date. Later, in 1908, Watson may well have found WIST recorded under that date, but it could have actually taken place any time during his life at 221b.

 

Knowledge of Moriarty in Valley of Fear

Most Holmesians are already aware of this chronological issue. In FINA, set in 1891, Watson is told for the first time about the existence and exploits of Professor James Moriarty. By the end of that tale, Moriarty is dead. However, in VALL Holmes, Watson and Inspector MacDonald discuss Moriarty in quite some detail. This would not be such a problem if VALL were not set in "the early days at the end of the '80's", several years before Watson had ever heard of the man.

U.W.T. makes sense of this. It is fair to assume that Holmes knew about Watson’s condition. Either Holmes would have been told by Watson or Holmes would have deduced it. In that light, Holmes’s opening gambit in this conversation is not at all remarkable. He says: "You have heard me speak of Professor Moriarty?" Rather than confirming a past conversation Holmes had had, Holmes was finding out from Watson whether his consciousness had passed through a later moment when he had revealed all. All of Watson's knowledge of Moriarty comes, not from a moment before FINA, but from his consciousness having already been through FINA before time-skipping its way back to VALL. Long before he arrived at Birlstone Manor, Watson had already experienced the later events which would lead to Moriarty’s death at the Reichenbach Falls. So it goes.

 

The Wrong Day

The start date of The Solitary Cyclist case is given in Watson’s introduction: “On referring to my note-book for the year 1895 I find that it was upon Saturday, the 23rd of April, that we first heard of Miss Violet Smith.” The problem is that 23rd April 1895 was a Tuesday, not a Saturday.

Again, U.W.T. makes sense of this. Watson may well have started off on a Saturday, 23rd of April. Perhaps in 1892 or 1898. It was there that he went on his adventure with Violet Smith. Then he time-slipped to some date in 1895. Picking up his notebook for that year, he wrote down the details of the story, failing to record the actual year it took place. Watson, then, is perfectly correct when he states that the details were found in his 1895 notebook under the date "Saturday, the 23rd of April". What he omits is that the events never took place in 1895 - that is just the year his consciousness happened to be when he wrote it down.

 

Dating REDH

The Red-Headed League can be dated to 27 June 1890 via the newspaper Jabez Wilson shows Holmes. However Watson says he called upon Holmes "one day in the autumn". Now we can see that Watson probably set off to visit Holmes in autumn but time-slipped on the way and arrived in summer.

 

The Wrong Day Again

In TWIS, Watson claims that 19th June 1889 was a Friday, when if fact it was Wednesday. He is talking to Isa Whitney at the time, who picks Watson up on the error. For a man who frequently time-slips, we can see how he could easily make this mistake.

 

I submit, then, that U.W.T. is not only a possible explanation of the chronological 'mistakes' we find in the Canon, it is the best available theory to explain them.

 

Watson licked his lips, thought a while, inquired at last: ‘Why me?’

‘That is a very Earthling question to ask, Dr Watson. Why you? Why us for that matter? Why anything? Because this moment simply is. Have you ever seen bugs trapped in amber?’

‘Yes. There was one in the mouthpiece of Grant Munro’s pipe.’


Any other business:

"The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller) requested that people send him their Sherlockian Selfies for use in an upcoming Shingle of Southsea video. No one replied.