Saturday, 26 April 2025

Monthly Meeting Minutes – 26th April 2025

Date of Meeting: 26th April 2025


Location of Meeting:

The Sherloft, My House, Portsmouth, UK

 

Attendees:

"The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller)

 

Apologies:

"The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller) is still waiting.

 

Toast:

Paul Thomas Miller (The Entire Canon) gave the following toast, which made very little sense because it was put together in a hurry:


My dear, Watson,

Are you awake?

Rise up, now,

'Cos it is daybreak!

Upset and betrayal prevail -

No time to quail and wail!

Try some of this lovely cheesecake.

 

Presentation:

Paul Thomas Miller (The Entire Canon) presented the following piece about ghosts and Sherlock Holmes:


The Ghost Adventures of Sherlock Holmes

Season 1, Episode 8: The Haunting at Stoke Moran

Last night, while asleep, I caught a new TV show that I thought may have been of interest to other Holmesians. I've done my best to write it up exactly how I dreamt it:


CONTINUITY ANNOUNCER: And now, we join paranormal investigators Sherlock Holmes and Dr John H. Watson as they investigate ghostly goings on at the Roylott family home...


[HOLMES and WATSON are outside Stoke Moran, the ancestral home of the Roylotts]

HOLMES [to camera]: There are things in this world that we will never fully understand.

WATSON [in a peculiar voice]: Understand.

HOLMES: We want answers. When you have eliminated the improbable, whatever remains, no matter how impossible, must be... ghosts...


[Roll opening titles]


[Cut to HOLMES and WATSON who are being driven through country roads in a horse and trap]

WATSON: We're on our way to the historic stately home of Stoke Moran in Surrey, En-ger-land to investigate strange noises reportedly heard in the night and an apparent curse on the women of the Roylott family.

HOLMES: I'm already getting goosebumps. This place goes all the way back to Saxon times. Just imagine the energy that will have built up here over however much time that is.

WATSON: I know! I'm American, so I don't understand any actual history, but that sounds like it's a really long time ago. Maybe even more than 50 years.

HOLMES: I didn't know anything could be that old! 

WATSON: So what sort of phenomenon have been reported there?


[Cut to photo of HELEN Stoner and Julia Stoner]

HOLMES [Voice over]: Ever since their mother died eight years ago, twins, Helen and Julia Stoner were plagued with a feeling of dread and unease in their home. They claim to have been able to smell cigar smoke in closed off rooms. They have heard whistling in the night. And perhaps worst of all, Julia was mysteriously killed in a locked room - presumably by a ghost.


[Cut to HOLMES and WATSON stood outside Stoke Moran house looking deadly serious, like they are about to go into an actual battle or something that matters]


HOLMES: We're finally here at what might be one of the most active paranormal sites in En-ger-land. We looked it up and this house actually dates back over 800 years. That's almost 8 centuries.

WATSON: WOW! I'd imagine it is possible that in that much time, some things have happened in this house.

HOLMES: Yes, we've been able to confirm that at least one person has died in this building.

WATSON [animatedly]: WOW! For some reason, I am amazed by this information! Imagine the energy that will have accumulated within these walls!

HOLMES: Yes, I'd imagine that these walls are full of the non-descript "energy" we keep on talking about as if it meant something.


[Cut to a hallway inside Stoke Moran where HOLMES and WATSON are speaking with HELEN]

HOLMES: So, Helen, what's the history of this building? Was it built on ground sacred to Native En-ger-lish Indians?

HELEN: No. There is no such thing as a Native En-ger-lish Indian.

HOLMES: Oh my God! So they've been wiped out! That's genocide!

WATSON: No wonder their spirits are so angry.

HELEN: But...

HOLMES: And from here on out, we're going to treat that theory as fact.


[Cut to HELEN's bedroom, where HOLMES and WATSON are speaking with HELEN]

HOLMES: What sort of phenomenon have you encountered?

HELEN: This used to be my sisters room. Ever since our mother died eight years ago, this building seems to have been filled with a sense of dread and horror.

WATSON: I feel that too. Like, in the next bedroom over, I definitely sensed a chill. There was a definite cold spot in there.

HELEN: The one where workmen have taken down part of the outside wall?

WATSON: Yes. And as you know, cold spots can often indicate a paranormal presence.

HOLMES: That's crazy! We've only been here a short while and we're already finding prove of supernatural forces at work in this building. Tell us about your sister's experiences in this room.

HELEN: She used to say that she heard strange noises in the night. Low whistling noises, and hisses. And she could smell cigar smoke in here although she never smoked.

HOLMES: That's insane! Did she find any logical explanation?

HELEN: No, she died.

WATSON: Do you know how she died?

HELEN: No. She was locked inside her room. There was no way in or out. No signs of foul play were found. She was perfectly healthy and she just [Helen begins to well up and sob]… died.

[HOLMES and WATSON seem delighted by this news]

WATSON: Ha ha ha! My god! That's crazy!

HOLMES: That's brilliant! What more proof could there be that this is definitely a spectre with a grudge. Have you sensed anything since you moved into this room?

HELEN: [still visibly upset] I have encountered the very same things. When the lights go out I hear rustling and hissing in the darkness. There is a low whistling around three in the morning every night. And I smell cigar smoke even tho…

WATSON: [Looking and pointing out of the window] A SHADOW MAN!

[camera shakily pans to window capturing nothing but blur and glare]

HOLMES: WHAT? WHERE? OH MY GOD?

WATSON: I saw a shadow man on the lawn, by the trees!

HOLMES: This is too much!

WATSON: A little squat shadow man, like a little demon...

HELEN: Oh, that will be my step-father's baboo...

HOLMES: A DEMON!

WATSON: A shadow demon!

[HOLMES starts wheezing and groaning and generally hamming it up]

WATSON: Oh my God! He's possessed we need to get him out of here.

[WATSON begins helping HOLMES get out of the building]


[Cut to exterior of building again. HELEN, HOLMES and WATSON.]

HOLMES: [Out of breath, to camera] That was crazy. The evil spirits were trying to enter me. There's clearly a lot of activity in that house. A lot of energy. Maybe even a vortex or a portal. What do you think, Helen?

HELEN: I'm terrified. I'm scared I will die too.

WATSON: Well, don't worry. We're here now. I'm going to go back in, get some baseline readings - whatever that means - and prepare for a vigil in your room tonight.


[Cut to HELEN's room. Night vision. HOLMES is sat on bed. WATSON is sat on a chair]

HOLMES: It's 2AM and we've been sitting here in the pitch black for two hours now. We've already had some interesting evidence.

WATSON: Yes, my legs have started to ache, which must be due to a poltergeist.

HOLMES: And, since we blew the candles out, I can't see anything, which is due to the energy in the vortex portals.

[there is a metallic creak, akin to the sort of noise an old vent between rooms being opened might make]

HOLMES: Did you hear that?!

WATSON: I did! It was a definite voice!

HOLMES: Yes! It was like an old lady saying "Get out!"


[Cut to replay of the footage from when the noise was heard: a metallic creak, akin to the sort of noise an old vent between rooms being opened might make. Probably repeated several times at different speeds. It is visualised as a waveform on screen with the subtitle "Get out!"]


WATSON: Yes! It was definitely a native En-ger-lish Indian woman saying "Get out"!

[There is a hiss and a whistle]

HOLMES: AAaaarrrgh! I've pissed my knickers.

WATSON: I've shat mine! Let's get out of here!

[They flee the building, leaving the camera behind]

[The night vision on the camera captures a snake slithering into the next room through an air vent. A scream is heard from the next room.}


[Roll end credits]

 

Any Other Business:

"The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller) has decided he is the King of the World. Hail Paul Thomas Miller! Praise his generous waistline and bountiful chins!