Monthly Meeting Minutes - 15th December 2022

 Date of Meeting: 15th December 2022

 

Location of Meeting:

The Sherloft, My House, Portsmouth, UK

 

Attendees:

"The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller)

 

Apologies:

No time.

 

Motions:

No time.

Presentation:

We didn't have much spare time this month, so we kept it brief. "The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller) presented the following festive treat:

It's Christmas time - a special time

With tinsel and with stars.

A time when friends can give each other

Pickled eggs in jars.

 

Any other business:

No time.

Monthly Meeting Minutes - 16th November 2022

Date of Meeting: 16th November 2022

 

Location of Meeting:

The Sherloft, My House, Portsmouth, UK

 

Attendees:

"The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller)

 

Apologies:

No thank you.

 

Motions:

No thank you.

Presentation:

"The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller) presented a poem he wrote about alphabetical animals from the Canon:

Holmesian Alphabetical Animals

 
A is first and is for ASS.
    Watson claimed he was one.
(He, of course, meant the donkey
    And not the slang for bum).
“What an ass I have been!”
    He cried out just the once.
For Watson really was not all
    That much of a dunce.
 “Oh, what an ass I have been!” I exclaimed. (REIG)
 
B is FOR the BABOON
    Found at Stoke Moran
Brought over from India
    By a very evil man.
This writhing little primate
    Gave Watson a start
When he sprang from the bushes in
    A frenzied sudden dart.
…out from a clump of laurel bushes there darted what seemed to be a hideous and distorted child, who threw itself upon the grass with writhing limbs and then ran swiftly across the lawn into the darkness…
“It is a nice household,” he murmured. “That is the baboon.” (SPEC)
 
C is for the CHEETAH,
    One more Roylott pet.
He prowled the grounds unrestrained
    At Stoke Moran and yet
Neither of our heroes
    Ever spied the large feline.
They heard it, though, when at night
    It once gave out a whine.
“From outside came… a long drawn catlike whine, which told us that the cheetah was indeed at liberty.” (SPEC)
 
D is for the famous DOG
    Who did nowt in the night -
Not a bark, a whine or howl
    Not a growl or bite.
This was the clue Holmes needed
    To help him solve the case
Of the evil murder horse
    Who kicks men in the face.
“Is there any point to which you would wish to draw my attention?”
“To the curious incident of the dog in the night-time.”
“The dog did nothing in the night-time.” (SILV)
 
E is for the EAGLES
    Flocking about with crows
Though only metaphorically -
    A simple line of prose.
In fact, eagles never flock,
    They’re more often alone.
But Holmes was no keen bird-watcher,
    I doubt he would have known.
“Sir Robert is a man of an honourable stock. But you do occasionally find a carrion crow among the eagles.” (SHOS)
 
F is for the FERRET,
    Watson said Lestrade looked like.
He meant it as a compliment,
    Not some nasty slight.
Lean, agile and furtive.
    Sly looking as well.
Qualities which helped him put
    The criminals in cells.
A lean, ferret-like man, furtive and sly-looking, was waiting for us upon the platform… I had no difficulty in recognising Lestrade, of Scotland Yard.(BOSC)
 
G is for a GUDGEON –
    A small, freshwater fish,
In Watson’s time it could be found
    Served up on a dish.
Sam Merton was compared to one.
    You’ll agree to the match:
Sam was a common type, you see,
    And dead easy to catch.
“Sam's not a shark. He is a great big silly bull-headed gudgeon. But he is flopping about in my net all the same.” (MAZA)
 
H is, of course, for the HOUND
    Of the Baskervilles -
The dark curse of that family,
    The cause of all their ills.
It stalks all over Dartmoor
    With a fire in its eyes
Scaring the timid locals
    With its loathsome evil cries.
“Hugo Baskerville passed me upon his black mare, and there ran mute behind him such a hound of hell as God forbid should ever be at my heels.” (HOUN)
 
I is for an ICHNEUMON.
    (That’s a mongoose to you.)
Henry Wood had a pet one.
    (And a cobra too.)
He named his mongoose Teddy.
    It was amazing quick
To catch the cobra every night
    As a canteen trick.
“It's a mongoose,” I cried.
“Well, some call them that, and some call them ichneumon,” said the man. “Snake-catcher is what I call them.” (CROO)
 
J is for the JACKALS
    Who ate poor Mrs. Dawson.
She failed, in the Mutiny,
    To take the precaution
Of not being a colonist
    Who made the locals mad.
Mind you, the jackals got a meal,
    So, it was not all bad.
“I rode down to see what it was, and the cold struck through my heart when I found it was Dawson's wife, all cut into ribbons, and half eaten by jackals and native dogs.” (SIGN)
 
K is for a little KID
    (That’s a goat as a child)
Led to a jungle tree somewhere
    Out there in the wild
By the hunter - Colonel Moran -
    To be tied to a tree
For bait to tempt the tigers
    That he shoots at with glee.
“Have you not tethered a young kid under a tree, lain above it with your rifle, and waited for the bait to bring up your tiger? This empty house is my tree and you are my tiger.” (EMPT)
 
L is for the LANGUR –
    An Old-World primate.
The grey ones are all fairly small
    And they have a black face.
Old Presbury was one of this
    Monkey’s greatest fans.
He liked to mash up and inject
    Their little monkey glands.
“It is possible that the serum of anthropoid would have been better. I have, as I explained to you, used black-faced langur because a specimen was accessible. Langur is, of course, a crawler and climber, while anthropoid walks erect and is in all ways nearer.” (CREE)
 
M is for the MICROBES,
    Such as the ones curated
By a nephew killer
    At once dreaded and hated.
Culverton Smith knowingly
    Amassed and abused them.
People close to him dropped dead
    Whenever he used them.
“For him the villain, for me the microbe.” (DYIN)
 
N is for a NIGHT-BIRD.
    (Although that’s unspecific
“Night-bird” starts with letter N
    Which, for me, is terrific.)
It could be a night-jar.
    It could be an owl.
In fact, it could be any
    Of the nocturnal fowl.
“From outside came the occasional cry of a night-bird...” (SPEC)
 
O is for the OXEN
    On the Alkali Plain
Which passers-by might observe
    Ev’ry now and again.
They’re dead. They’re desiccated.
    Mostly rotted away.
Nothing more than sun-bleached bones.
    What fun! Hip hip hooray!
They are bones: some large and coarse, others smaller and more delicate. The former have belonged to oxen, and the latter to men. (STUD)
 
P is for a great big PIG.
    Come near! Just take a look!
Sherlock’s suspended this big pig
    From a butcher’s hook.
Watch him as he tries and tries –
    Like a frenzied buffoon –
To transfix the hanging hog
    With a whaling harpoon.
“If you could have looked into Allardyce's back shop you would have seen a dead pig swung from a hook in the ceiling, and a gentleman in his shirt-sleeves furiously stabbing at it with this weapon.” (BLAC)
 
Q is a QUEER MONGREL.
    Toby is his name.
He has such a splendid nose
    It has garnered him fame.
By tracking across London
    A trail of creosote
He led Holmes and Watson
    To Mordecai Smith’s boat.
“You will bring Toby back in the cab with you.”
“A dog, I suppose.”
“Yes,—a queer mongrel, with a most amazing power of scent. I would rather have Toby's help than that of the whole detective force of London.” (SIGN)
 
R is for a giant RAT
    Of origins Sumatran.
The details of it are so sparse
    They will always dishearten
Any inquiring scholar
    Who is set and intent
On learning more about this
    Large Asian rodent.
“Matilda Briggs was not the name of a young woman, Watson,” said Holmes in a reminiscent voice. “It was a ship which is associated with the giant rat of Sumatra, a story for which the world is not yet prepared.” (SUSS)
 
S is for a captive STOAT –
    Kept in a little cage
In Sherman’s shop where it fills up
    With anger, ire and rage.
It waits in patience by the bars
    With a gleam in its eye
And tries to bite a chunk out of
    Any passers-by.
“Ah, naughty, naughty, would you take a nip at the gentleman?” This to a stoat which thrust its wicked head and red eyes between the bars of its cage. (SIGN)
 
T is for the TIGER CUB
    Which Watson once fired
At an invading musket. Or
    So he claimed while tired.
It is small wonder really
    That Watson would err – he
Was talking with his one true love:
    A governess called Mary.
I endeavored to cheer and amuse her by reminiscences of my adventures in Afghanistan... To this day she declares that I told her one moving anecdote as to how a musket looked into my tent at the dead of night, and how I fired a double-barrelled tiger cub at it. (SIGN)
 
U is for a UNICORN.
    (Yes, I know that they’re not real.
But you try finding U beasts
    And then see how you feel.)
In the canon, there’s one unicorn
    Though preceded by “sea”,
It’s the name of Black Peter’s boat
    Which is good enough for me.
“Peter Carey was master of the Sea Unicorn” (BLAC)
 
V is for a VIPER,
    Sometimes mispronounced
(“I have a wiper in the bag”
    Is what Sherman announced).
Snakes with deadly venom and
    Snakes with fatal bites,
Are not something that one should drop
    On Watson in the night.
“Go on!” yelled the voice. “So help me gracious, I have a wiper in the bag, an' I'll drop it on your 'ead if you don't hook it.” (SIGN)
 
W is for some WORMS –
    The kind which gnaw on wood.
Butler Brunton found some while
    He was up to no good.
They’d destroyed the wooden box,
    Which among other things,
Held the remains of the crown
    Of ancient English kings.
“It was furred outside by a thick layer of dust, and damp and worms had eaten through the wood, so that a crop of livid fungi was growing on the inside of it.” (MUSG)
 
X is for XENOPERDIX –
    A partridge much adored.
Like the one Holmes once left out
    Upon his sideboard.
(Though, perhaps it’s only fair
    That I should make it clear
Xenoperdix are a breed
    Found just in Tanzania).
“There is a cold partridge on the sideboard, Watson, and a bottle of Montrachet. Let us renew our energies before we make a fresh call upon them.” (VEIL)
 
Y is for the YELLOW BAND
    Wrapped round Roylott’s head
The serpent that bit him and
    Struck the blackguard dead.
An Indian Swamp Adder –
    Holmes clearly named it so.
Though no such snake really exists,
    As far as science knows.
Round his brow he had a peculiar yellow band, with brownish speckles, which seemed to be bound tightly round his head. As we entered he made neither sound nor motion.
“The band! the speckled band!” whispered Holmes. (SPEC)
 
 
Z is for the ZOO, that is
    The one where Sherlock went.
The one where he gazed horrified
    At myriad serpents.
They were slithery and wicked with
    Cruel eyes on flattened faces -
Reminiscent of The Blackmailer
    From one of Holmes’s cases.
“Do you feel a creeping, shrinking sensation, Watson, when you stand before the serpents in the Zoo and see the slithery, gliding, venomous creatures, with their deadly eyes and wicked, flattened faces? Well, that's how Milverton impresses me.” (CHAS)
 
Thus ends my safari
    Through the alphabet
Of Holmesian creatures
    And Sherlockian pets.
I did my best though I confess,
    Others could do better.
So now you try name a beast
    From Canon for each letter.

 

Any other business:

No thank you.

Monthly Meeting Minutes - 6th October 2022

 Date of Meeting: 6th October 2022

 

Location of Meeting:

The Sherloft, My House, Portsmouth, UK

 

Attendees:

"The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller)

 

Apologies:

"The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller) apologised for breaking that lamp with a yo-yo.

 

Motions:

"The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller) moved and accidently let one go.

 Presentation:

"The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller) presented a film he had made about Holmesian Yo-Yo Tricks:

 

Any other business:

No new business so I'll just keeping plugging this tat... Buy my book. It is available from all the Amazon sites…

UK - https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B0B146NCY8

US - https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0B146NCY8

Canada - https://www.amazon.ca/gp/product/B0B146NCY8

Australia - https://www.amazon.com.au/gp/product/B0B146NCY8

And, you know, all the others. Searching for B0B146NCY8 seems to be the key. Or 979-8824511970.

Monthly Meeting Minutes - 2nd September 2022

Date of Meeting: 2nd September 2022

 

Location of Meeting:

The Sherloft, My House, Portsmouth, UK

 

Attendees:

"The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller)

 

Apologies:

"The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller) apologised to Richard Krisciunas. Unfortunately, because Richard Krisciunas is banned from The Sherloft, Richard Krisciunas did not hear the apology.

 

Motions:

"The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller) moved that we should have more yo-yos because "nothing seems as bad when you have a yo-yo". No one seconded the motion. "The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller) carried on playing with his yo-yo anyway.

 Presentation:

"The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller) gave a confusing talk about stuff:

Fine Sea Stories

There are a good deal of references to the ocean, ships and sea-faring folk in The Canon. An almost suspicious amount of references, in fact. It was while contemplating one of the least satisfactory of the Canonical boats that I hit upon the a realisation about the reach of Sherlock Holmes.

The Five Orange Pips ends very anti-climatically. Having identified the villains, Holmes seemingly failed to catch them and bring them to justice. Instead, fate did this for him: their ship – the Lone Star – was wrecked somewhere in the Atlantic and all hands aboard were lost.

This is not an isolated incident – the same thing happened to the Norah Creina which was helping the killers of Blessington escape justice in The Resident Patient.

Mulling over these lackluster finales led me to consider how unHolmesian they are. When reports came in that these ships had been lost, Holmes seems to have been content that his suspects were probably, maybe, perhaps dead and just moves along to his next adventure. Would he really be satisfied with these results? Patently not. Consider his emotional response to finding out that the KKK had murdered John Openshaw:

“That hurts my pride, Watson,” he said at last. “It is a petty feeling, no doubt, but it hurts my pride. It becomes a personal matter with me now, and, if God sends me health, I shall set my hand upon this gang”

This is a man desperate to dish out justice. And we know from elsewhere in The Canon that Holmes was a passionate sort of fellow who would take the law into his own hands when he felt himself better capable of distributing justice than the official means. We see examples of this in the pseudo-court scene at the end of Abbey Grange and the “accidental” killing of Roylott in Speckled Band.

Yet, when the Lone Star failed to arrive in Savannah, he seems to have done nothing to follow the matter up. It is as if he is an entirely different person. The only tolerable explanation for such an insipid response from Holmes is that he knew more than he was letting on. That is, he already knew that the Lone Star and the Norah Creina had been destroyed long before he received the official reports. Furthermore, he knew for certain that his fleeing suspects had been destroyed along with their vessels.

How could he possibly know such things before anyone else? If the ships were destroyed – no one from them could have got news to Holmes. The news then, could only come from people who witnessed the destruction of the ships from another vessel. But the official reports never came from such sources – in the case of the Lone Star the news only came out due to the discovery of some driftwood bearing its initials some time later. So whoever told Holmes that the Lone Star sank, did not inform the authorities or anyone else. Nor, it seems, did they attempt to save any of its crew. Hardly the actions of innocent bystanders. The inference from this is that the observers were not innocent – that they were responsible for the sinking of those ships. And if they were secretly passing this news to Holmes, then Holmes also had a hand in the destruction of these vessels.

My theory then, is this, Holmes had a sea-faring accomplice who assisted him in his maritime endeavours. Holmes ordered this accomplice to sink the Lone Star when it seemed the villains aboard might evade justice. He did the same for the Norah Creina. Who knows how many other cases they became involved in?

For example, The Greek Interpreter is another case with an unsatisfactory end - the villains escaping capture and kidnapping Sophy Kratides. Justice once again comes, seemingly, without Holmes’s intervention - a newspaper report suggests that Sophy killed her captors in Buda-Pesth and ran away. In light of what we now know, is it not more likely that Holmes used his accomplice once again. I picture a daring assassination and the freeing of Sophy, before all concerned then flee on a vessel moored on the Danube.

What part might this accomplice have played in the disappearance of the cutter Alicia (THOR), the affair of the Dutch steamship Friedland (NORW), the case of Matilda Briggs (SUSS) or the loss of the British barque Sophy Anderson (FIVE)? This oceanic reach Holmes seemed to have, suddenly becomes more understandable.

My mind is cast back to the exciting riverboat chase on the Thames in The Sign of the Four. In retrospect, it seems unlikely that Holmes would have had no contingency plan in case the Aurora evaded capture and managed to reach the Esmerelda. Now it seems obvious - the accomplice was almost certainly out at sea keeping an eye on the Esmerelda in case it needed to be dealt with.

Of course, if all this is true, we must wonder what on Earth was going on in the Adventure of the Cardboard Box. Having identified the villain – Jim Browner – aboard the May Day, Holmes allows the vessel to safely land at Albert Dock. Why the lack of interception this time? There are a couple of possible explanations but the most likely one is that the heavy handed approach was not appropriate. Jim Browner was the only criminal aboard. In the other cases I have mentioned, it is likely that the entire crews of the vessels were culpable in some way. They all deserved Holmes’s justice. The crew of the May Day did not.

With the evidence mounting in favour of this nautical accomplice, I found that yet another unsatisfactory ending made more sense. At the end of The Valley of Fear Holmes rather callously receives news that John Douglas has been killed while fleeing Europe aboard the Palmyra:

“The ship reached Cape Town last night. I received this cable from Mrs. Douglas this morning:—

“Jack has been lost overboard in gale off St. Helena. No one knows how accident occurred.

— “Ivy Douglas.”

“Ha! It came like that, did it?” said Holmes, thoughtfully. “Well, I've no doubt it was well stage-managed.”

Rather than exhibit the outrage he did over John Openshaw’s death, Holmes laughs and compliments how well it was done. It is neither appropriate nor in character. Unless his accomplice had secretly been at work again…

Consider the facts of the case – John Douglas was being hunted by Moriarty’s gang on behalf of The Scowrers. In order to escape their clutches, he attempted to fake his own death. Holmes blundered slightly by exposing this scheme, thereby once again endangering John Douglas’s life. He was most assuredly aware of this:

“Get him out of England at any cost,” wrote Holmes to the wife. “There are forces here which may be more dangerous than those he has escaped. There is no safety for your husband in England.”

Would he then leave Douglas to Moriarty’s clutches? Or would he try to outwit the Napoleon of crime? Obviously, Holmes acted somehow. And now we can see how. Holmes had his accomplice follow the Palmyra and when Moriarty’s henchmen fought with Douglas onboard, Douglas, as planned, “accidentally” lost his footing and went overboard. The henchmen reported back to Moriarty that the deed was done. Little did they know the accomplice was on hand to fish Douglas out of the sea and sail him off to meet his wife in Cape Town where they adopted yet more aliases and began yet another new life.

At this point, I consider my point proven – Holmes had secret help at sea from some unnamed accomplice. The question now becomes “Who were they”? I have one proposal.

The Greek Interpreter makes it very clear that Holmes was reticent on the topic of his family. Before he was introduced to Mycroft Holmes, Watson “had come to believe that [Sherlock Holmes] was an orphan with no relatives living”. Combining this information with some off-hand comments Holmes made regarding his sister in Copper Beeches (“…it is not the situation which I should like to see a sister of mine apply for.”), it is tempting to propose the existence of a third Holmes sibling. Specifically a sister.

But whereas Holmes eventually does speak to Watson about his brother, the sister is never mentioned. Why might this be? I suggest that this is because she was not an entirely above-board sort of person, that is, she was the nautical accomplice. We can see that in the cases of the Lone Star and Norah Creina she was not above sinking other vessels. If I am correct about her involvement in the deaths of Sophy Kratides captors, she was also an adept assassin. In short, Miss Holmes was practically a pirate. Of course, Holmes could not speak of his connections with her. Those connections were not just familial – they were also criminal.

Further, I would say that the notion of The Pirate Miss Holmes actually makes sense when you consider the personality of Sherlock Holmes. If she was even half as Bohemian as her brother, she would have had a hard time dealing with the constraints of Victorian sensibilities regarding the role of women in society. Running away to sea and choosing a life of adventure would absolutely be in keeping for such a woman. That she stayed in touch with her brother and assisted him in his work also indicates that she shared his passion for justice and for endeavouring to make the world a better place.

In conclusion, I feel that I have sufficiently proven that Sherlock Holmes had a sister who was both his accomplice and a pirate. Assuming that she was as much an interesting character as her two brothers, it is to be hoped that she had her own Boswell somewhere aboard her vessel. I for one would pay a hefty fee to read The Adventures of Swashbuckling Sherrinford – the Sea-Salty Sister of Sherlock.

 

Any other business:

Buy my book. It is available from all the Amazon sites…

UK - https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B0B146NCY8

US - https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0B146NCY8

Canada - https://www.amazon.ca/gp/product/B0B146NCY8

Australia - https://www.amazon.com.au/gp/product/B0B146NCY8

And, you know, all the others. Searching for B0B146NCY8 seems to be the key. Or 979-8824511970.

Monthly Meeting Minutes - 24th August 2022

Date of Meeting: 24th August 2022

 

Location of Meeting:

The Sherloft, My House, Portsmouth, UK

 

Attendees:

"The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller)

 

Apologies:

Not today, thank you.

 

Motions:

"The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller) moved that we should drop the motions part of the meeting. No one seconded so the motion was rejected.

 

Toast:

"The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller) toasted Colonel Spence Munro:

Colonel Spence Munro,

Where did you go?

Halifax?

Which Halifax?

The one in Nova Sco

tia.

 Presentation:

"The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller) presented the society with the following novel quiz which no one managed to get any points on:

Craiyon.com is an online artificial intelligence application which uses a text input from a user to conduct an image search of the internet and then construct its own image which it feels reflects what it has seen. Sort of. Go play with it. You'll see what I mean.

I have used craiyon to generate AI artworks from the titles of 12 canonical stories. Your task is to guess which story titles inspired each of the following images.

Some of them seem pretty obvious to me. Some of them make no sense to me at all.

Good luck!

Answers are available HERE.

          

Any other business:

Buy my book. It is available from all the Amazon sites…

UK - https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B0B146NCY8

US - https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0B146NCY8

Canada - https://www.amazon.ca/gp/product/B0B146NCY8

Australia - https://www.amazon.com.au/gp/product/B0B146NCY8

And, you know, all the others. Searching for B0B146NCY8 seems to be the key. Or 979-8824511970.

Monthly Meeting Minutes Substitute - 20th July 2022

With the Shingle of Southsea Holmesian Society celebrating its fifth anniversary this December, now seemed like an ideal time to get to know one of our more prominent members a little better. Paul Thomas Miller (The Entire Canon) was our founding member and is much loved by all of us. However, little is known about his early relationship with Holmesiana. For that reason, we sat down with Paul, who graciously agreed to be interviewed in place of the usual monthly meeting.

 

PTM – How did you first become involved in Holmesiana?

PTM – I was born into it. My great-grandfather – Sebastian Colin Ungulate Miller – was the partner of Arthur Conan Doyle when they opened the Bradford Pickled Egg Works in 1894. The plant was well known at the time as the backbone of the British Empire, pickling anything up to a hundred eggs a day in order to keep the wheels of Victoria’s global provinces moving. Naturally, Doyle became great friends with my great-grandfather and stole many of the best Sherlock Holmes plots from him. My great-grandfather didn’t mind this as he was fiddling the books at the Pickled Egg Works and was making a small fortune on hokey returned jar deposits.

PTM – You’re a natural Holmesian then?

PTM – Yes. With the egg works still operating today and the obvious Canonical pickled-egg-Sherlock-Holmes connection, it was predestined that I would take an interest in the world my family has been so much a part of for four generations.

PTM – Do you have any souvenirs of your great-Grandfather’s time with Doyle?

PTM – Oh yes. By far the most prized possession is the very egg that Doyle wrote the opening lines of The Hound of the Baskervilles on, before pickling it.

PTM – How was it pickled? Brine, distilled vinegar, malt vinegar?

PTM – Oh, distilled vinegar, obviously. This notion that one can pickle is brine is a fallacy. Fake news of the sort only America could come up with. Monstrous. Honestly, I don’t know how these “people” can looks themselves in the eye.

PTM – Does the ink on the egg not taint the flavour?

PTM – Not at all. Being squid ink, it actually enhances the meaty tones of the egg.

PTM – So, with all this Holmesian history in the family, it wasn’t surprising you’d end up joining some societies. But what made you start your own one in 2018?

PTM – Well, yes, I did join other societies, and I think they are great. The spirit of friendship is wonderful but I felt they all had the same problems.

PTM – Which were?

PTM – Well, for starters, they all required me to leave the house if I wanted to attend any meetings or society events...

PTM – Not something you are fond of, then?

PTM – No. I’m a big sitting-down partaker. I’m also very, very important. I’ve always thought that if something is worthwhile, people should bring it to me. But the other thing that the other societies get wrong is letting the wrong sort of people in.

PTM – And who would you say the wrong sort of people are?

PTM – The ones who aren’t me.

PTM – Yes, I wanted to chat with you about that. Your society has only ever had one member, is that right?

PTM – One human member, certainly. We did have a brief dalliance with allowing a headless mannequin to join us, but in the end, even her attitude was unbearable.

PTM – I think we can all understand that. Other people are awful, aren’t they?

PTM – Yes. Awful.

PTM – Yes.

PTM – Awful.

PTM – Yes.

PTM – So you formed the Shingle of Southsea?

PTM – Quite right. I sent myself a newsletter declaring the creation of the society and I’ve never looked back.

PTM – Really. No regrets at all?

PTM – Oh yes. Lots. But at the end of the day, the pickled eggs make up for all that, don’t they.

PTM – Rather. So, since then you’ve been doing a great deal of Holmesian work. What would you say was your proudest achievement so far?

PTM – I think that would have to be the discovery of the Doyle and Miller lamb-fighting arena in the basement of the Egg Works. It was customary back them for the workplace to be more than where you earned your money. Factories were the hub of a community. Your employer and your colleagues were like an extended family. So your workplace would have a canteen, maybe a bar and generally some sporting facilities to encourage the workers to socialise together. Doyle, as you know, was a massive fan of blood sports, and Sebastian Miller was rabid in his loathing for sheep. It was inevitable, then, that they would install a lamb pit in the building. I’d always heard rumours of its existence but no one had ever been able to find it. So I did a bit of research… a bit of poking around… and eventually I located it.

PTM – Wow! That must have been exciting. How did you manage it.

PTM – Well, for as long as I can remember the basement door had always been marked “Dangerous! Do not enter!” But on a hunch, I did enter. And there it was. A 10 meter wide lamb-fighting pit, with seating all around the outside. Enough for a thousand people. It turned out that the danger was just a wasp that had got in during the war, but it had died since then, so it was fine. There was a desk in one corner with a great big leather bound ledger where they kept all the stats from the lamb-fights. Obviously, I looked up the details of my great-gramp’s fights and he did OK in the ring, but it was Doyle who showed the real skill.

PTM – Oh really? I knew he was a big sportsman, but I didn’t know he was a good Lamber.

PTM – Oh yes. In one particular fight he managed to slaughter three dozen day old lambs with nothing more than a screwdriver. And remember, they didn’t have cross heads in those days. It was all flat head. Apparently, the foreman kept dumping the bleaters in at a rate double anything anyone had seen before. Everyone went crazy. They were begging the foreman to stop, saying no man could cope with that much ovine aggression, but the foreman and Doyle had agreed it all before the match and he knew what he was doing. Five minutes later, covered in fleecy gore, Doyle crawled out of the pit, leaving a lifeless broth of lamb behind him. The crowd roared in glee as Doyle spat a chunk of lamb ear on the floor. And that’s how he came up with the plot for Silver Blaze.

PTM – Gosh. Doyle really was a stand-up guy, wasn’t he? So what are the plans for the future of the Shingle of Southsea?

PTM – Well, I’m seriously considering closing it down, once we reach the five year mark.

PTM – Oh no! Why?

PTM – Well, as this interview shows, I’ve clearly run out of things to write and each month it just gets more and more difficult to sit down in a room with myself and make small talk.

PTM – But surely, all of Holmesiana would fall apart without the Shingle of Southsea to give them something to aspire to?

PTM – Good point. I’ll take it into consideration.

Monthly Meeting Minutes - 20th June 2022

 Date of Meeting: 20th June 2022

 

Location of Meeting:

The Sherloft, My House, Portsmouth, UK

 

Attendees:

"The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller)

 

Apologies:

"The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller) was unavailable for comment.

 

Motions:

"The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller) moved.

 

Toast:

"The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller) toasted The Tapanuli Fever:

Pardon me Holmes, is that the Tapanuli Fever?

Oysters all multiply. Holmes, you can't really die

It's just whack to contract the Tapanuli Fever

I'll, I'll fetch Culverton Smith, then find Holmes's taking the piss.

etc.

 Presentation:

"The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller) gave a long meandering talk about something or other:

Mr. Cross's Emporium

The following article which appeared in The Era on Saturday 9^th January 1886 may interest the Holmesian zoologist. I have reproduced it word for word but have emphasised the words which highlight the Sherlockian importance of Mr. Cross’s emporium. Personally, I do find the content interesting as it gives an idea of the sort of things being traded around the globe with little regulation at the time.

 -----

MR. CROSS’S EMPORIUM.

The address of this well-known importer of foreign animals and birds is familiar all over the globe. Sports-men, either upon the prairies of Western America or in the Indian jungles, know where they can find a ready market for such living trophies of their valour as can be placed on shipboard. At Yokohama or Valparaiso, at Auckland or Zanzibar, any product of the animal kingdom, safely caged and labelled " Cross, Liverpool," would, save through the malign influence of some of the many mysterious agencies which are duly notified in the current shipping note, arrive safe and sound at the Earle-street depot. Eastern and Western cable companies alike could testify to the frequency of the recurrence of this address, in connection with such advises as "Three lions, per Sumatra," "Elephants, per Ganges, this date," "Buffalo and bears, ex Brussels," "Forward giraffe first steamer, urgent," "Want two well-marked full-sized tigers." The weekly announcements of the arrivals at Earle-street rarely fail to record consignments of some hundreds of birds and animals. The visitor to Cross's will not find the same animals caged at Earle-street two weeks together. Herein is the explanation of those apparently incredible announcements of arrivals which most readers of The Era are familiar with. The business carried on is a transit business, the stock being received either "on order" or for sale, rather than for permanent exhibition, as in the case of ordinary menageries. Still, the capacity of the Earle-street depot is such as to afford housing room for a larger quantity of livestock at any particular time than most menageries can boast of. Among the larger animals noted at a recent visit were one male lion, four Russian wolves, one Prussian ditto, one polar bear, one full grown zebra, exquisitely marked; two antelopes, nine bears, nine pelicans, two ostriches, and a crane; a host of civet and tiger cats, goats, monkeys, birds, and snakes. In the yard stood the latest importation, in the shape of a full-grown Cape buffalo, which had just come off ship- board. This "specimen" was boxed up in a strong wooden structure, itself a novelty in the way of West Coast productions, and weighed altogether upwards of two tons. Had the stock which was out on exhibition been at home, it would have increased the above list by two full-grown lions and cubs; seven Russian bears, one river elephant, three antelopes, one llama, one hyena, one panther, one black tiger, one giant rat, two ostriches, twenty-five monkeys, and a multitude of vultures, eagles, small birds, and sundries. For a "snake study," Cross's cases, stocked as they generally are, would rejoice the heart of any budding naturalist, The cost of large full-grown animals is as high as 500, £800, or even £1,000; the difficulty and risk of transit being proportionately great. Still, the amount of stock passing safely through Mr Cross's hands in one year, received from all parts of the world, represents a very respectable animal kingdom. As "Secretary of State to the Animal World," Mr Cross's position is unique. America can boast of her Barnum, and England still possesses her Sanger; but the mammoth establishments of these celebrities combined would scarce afford storage room for the living specimens of natural historical interest which pass through the Earle-street depot year by year. As a matter of fact, Mr Cross often supplies the greatest novelties to exhibitions like those of Barnum and Sanger. Should either of these gentlemen desire a pair of full-grown elephants - white or ordinary - a pair of lions, tigers, or panthers, they have simply to wire "Cross, Liverpool," who, should he not have the goods in stock, will pass on the message by an Eastern Tele- graph company to his agent in the locality from which the animals call be obtained. Thus, with the greatest expedition the goods will be put on shipboard, bound westward, and will be handed over to their respective purchasers with as little delay as possible. Or should any zoological gardens desire to add to its existing stock, or to stock new premises, Mr Cross would undertake to supply the want in a space of time which to ordinary people would seem incredible. The character of his business is best gauged by a perusal of Mr Cross's ledger. In it are to be found accounts which have been opened at one time or another with the flower of the English aristocracy, from the Prince of Wales downwards. Coming into a more useful and commercial region, accounts are found with the best known naturalists, gardens, and circus proprietors. It is owing to this world-wide connection that Mr Cross has been announcing for years that he is always open to purchase any living curiosity, and, on the other hand, that he has such a marvellous weekly importation. At Earle-street may be gathered the latest information as to any members of the animal kingdom which may be on sale at home, or as to the most expeditious means of securing specimens of such as are abroad. Steamboat, rail, and telegraph are alike impressed into the work of supplying inhabitants for the aviary of the nobleman, the caravan of the showman, or the tiny wicker cage of the working man's home.

 -----

The mention of a "giant rat" and imports from Sumatra naturally put me in mind of the untold story briefly mentioned in The Sussex Vampire: “Matilda Briggs was... a ship which is associated with the giant rat of Sumatra, a story for which the world is not yet prepared.” I had never considered that importing giant rats might be a legitimate business activity before. This discovery led me on to investigate Mr. Cross’s Emporium of Earle Street, Liverpool a little further.

Earle Street is a very short street in the major port city of Liverpool. It currently contains just one building with an Earle Street address: the small Cross Keys pub at number 13. From adverts placed by Mr Cross's Emporium, we know it was at 16 and 18 Earle Street, so it must have been more or less opposite the Cross Keys in the site now occupied by Orleans House which now faces on to Edmund Street.

The above adverts were taken from The Era of Sunday 26^th September 1880. Note that “giant rat” appears to be a common item of stock.

I did a little rooting about and managed to turn up the following about the Cross Menagerie. William Cross had been operating as an animal importer since 1865 and by the mid 1870 his firm was probably the biggest animal importer in England. He moved into the Earle Street premises in 1880 and in 1882 they began to admit paying visitors to view the animals they had in stock. Business continued in this way until 1898 when the premises suffered from a serious fire. At this point the public side of the business ceased trading but the import business continued until 1912 – being run by Cross’s children after he died in 1900.

By my calculations, the Matilda Briggs case must have taken place sometime between June 1876 and 19 November 1897 (that is, sometime between Holmes leaving university and telling Watson about the case during the adventure of The Sussex Vampire). Such timing makes it incredibly likely that Mr. Cross’s Emporium was involved with the importing of The Giant Rat of Sumatra – he was England’s main supplier of such animals, after all. From the way Holmes tells Watson about the case, it seems Watson was not involved in Holmes’s work at the time it took place. With Morrison, Morrison and Dodd stating they had not forgotten the Matilda Briggs case, they imply that enough time has passed that it would be possible for them to have forgotten. As such, I am inclined to believe that this is one of Holmes’s Montague Street cases, that is, pre-1881.

Of Matilda Briggs I can find no record other than a character in a short story title “Not So Bad After All” which appeared as a column filler in many newspapers around the world in 1878 and 1879 and a Mary Matilda Briggs who married Joseph Henry Bell in Leeds in 1879. (Sadly this was not the same Joe Bell who had once taught the literary agent.) Certainly, no ships of this name seem to have existed at the time. No doubt Watson supplied the ship with a pseudonym when he wrote about the giant rat in order to protect someone’s privacy, but among Watson’s many talents dissimulation finds no place and it is possible to deduce the name of the real vessel. You see, as well as being the name of a country, Sumatra was also the name of a barque. More than likely, at some point the Sumatra was conveying goods to Liverpool for Cross. In which case, Watson may have tipped his hand when he wrote of “the giant rat of Sumatra” – the rat came from the barque Sumatra – not the country, and was destined for the Cross menagerie.

I note that the chief officer of the Sumatra died at 226 Beaufort Street in Liverpool on 16^th February 1880. Further, the Sumatra had been the subject of some mystery prior to this – in 1876 it caught fire and the crew abandoned it despite having the means to put the fire out. However, it was soon back in business, and I can find records of it in shipping columns up to at least September 1879.

Morrison, Morrison and Dodd were a firm specialising in the assessment of machinery, which rather complicates matters. What involvement might they have had in the shipping of exotic animals? For them to fit into this story, I believe they must have been brought in to assess the faulty machinery which led to the mysterious ship fire of 1876. Some special mechanism was on board that ship and, judging by their own and Holmes’s guarded talk about these matters, that mechanism was highly confidential.

From these identifiable fragments of story, I think it is possible to construct an approximate explanation for the “story for which the world is not yet prepared”. Cross, remember, imported animals for all sorts of clients and for all sorts of reasons. And Holmes spoke of the case not being ready for the public in 1897 (the year SUSS took place). This was a time of military secrets in the build up to the Great War. It seems evident to me that the story of the giant rat is very likely to be another matter of top secret military intelligence such as we saw in BRUC and NAVA. It follows, then, that the British military were using Cross to import giant rats in special circumstances for a secret military application.

The only explanation I can produce which explains all of these factors involves one of mankind’s worst innovations – biological warfare. We don’t know which country the giant rats were being imported from, but the Victorian age was one of great global exploration and conquest - more than likely they came from a new part of the Empire which also produced some hideous disease such as Tapanuli fever or the black Formosa corruption. The use of disease in warfare was by no means a new idea – texts indicate that as early as 1500 BC the Hittites would drive infectious sick people into enemy territory in order to cause epidemics. Throughout the 1700s “civilised” nations were using smallpox infected goods to conquer new colonies. Certainly, biological warfare was used in the Great War – anthrax being the most well-known weapon. So appalled was humanity at itself, that biological warfare was banned under the Geneva Convention in 1925.

It is no great leap, then, to suppose that British intelligence agencies, in the build up to 1914, had been looking for potential microbial weapons to assist in the inevitable world conflict. Having identified one in the form of a tropical disease somewhere in the Empire, the problem became how to safely transport it back to England to be experimented upon and weaponised. Rats, of course, are well known for their ability to transport disease. For this reason, the local giant rats were recruited. Once an infected individual was captured, it had to be safely taken back to England. Cross was brought in for his expertise in this field, but that was not enough. Special containment units would need to be constructed to keep the rats alive but segregated from the crew. These would require fresh air, despite being below decks. Some sort of pump would be in order, along with some sort of “air-lock” method for feeding and watering the creatures without coming into contact with them. Here we have the machinery which Morrison, Morrison and Dodd were concerned with. It seems to have failed twice that we know of. The first occasion was in 1876 when it started a fire. When this was investigated later in the year, the authorities seem to have been slightly perplexed as to why the ship had been abandoned, when it could have been put out easily with on board pumps. The secret reason, of course, is that the risk was not just of fire, but of the containment units being breached and infecting the crew. My belief is that this is when Morrison, Morrison and Dodd first entered the scene – they were consulted on how to avoid the same problem again – and they succeeded.

The second incident is likely to be the one which saw Holmes brought in. On 16^th February 1880 Mr. Cowell, the chief officer of the Sumatra died aged only 26. Panic spread through all involved in the giant rat/biological weapon programme. Blame was thrown at Morrison, Morrison and Dodd for their inadequate containment unit designs. Morrison, Morrison and Dodd employed a rising young scientific investigator to clear their name and Holmes (possibly granted access to classified information by his brother) was able to defend the reputation of the firm by proving Cowell’s death was entirely unrelated. Remember, this is around the time Holmes is beginning to make a name for himself in official circles – little over a year later, when he first moved in with Watson, Holmes was already being consulted by policemen on a regular basis. Seeking an outside agent who could be trusted at this time would very likely have led MM&D to Holmes’s door.

Naturally, in 1897, Holmes would still have been guarding the secrets of this case carefully. The authorities would fear public outrage at the inhumane practice of using disease as a weapon and the enemies of England would not be given the opportunity to defend themselves against Britain’s arsenal. So there we have it – the real events behind the affair of the giant rat of Sumatra.

 

Any other business:

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