The Shingle of Southsea Holmesian Society
Monthly Meeting Minutes
Date of Meeting:
12th January 2018, 8pm GMT
Location of Meeting:
The Sherloft, My House, Portsmouth, UK
Attendees:
Paul Thomas Miller
Apologies:
Paul Thomas Miller apologised for quite a long time.
Motions:
1. The society's latest member; Paul Thomas Miller was given the opportunity to choose his own investiture. As there seemed no need to leave any good investitures for others, he chose the entire text of the UK Canon in publication date order. When I pointed out to myself that this would involve a lot of typing everytime I referred to myself, I agreed that this could be abbreviated to "The Entire Canon".
2. A proposal was put forward that we should recruit more members. The motion was not seconded, so it was not voted on.
3. It was decided that in future, monthly meetings should be opened with a toast to a figure from The Canon. The toast will be given by a different society member each week and will be to a person of their own choosing. The first toast will be given at the February meeting by Paul Thomas Miller. The following toast will be given by Paul Thomas Miller. Toasts will be given thereafter by all other members of the society in alphabetical order until everyone has given one, at which point the toasts shall revert to Paul Thomas Miller and the whole process will start again.
Presentation:
"The Entire Canon" presented a nice picture he had drawn of Sherlock Holmes crying because he was forced to sit in his loft. On his own. Talking to himself.
No one really felt very good about the picture.
"The Entire Canon" then presented the following document he claims to have smuggled out of the vaults of the Vatican in some cameos he found lying around:
In 1881 Holmes created the pipe and the dottles.
And the pipe was without heat, and smoke; and darkness was upon the bowl of the pipe. And the Spirit of Holmes moved upon the floor of the single large airy sitting-room.
And Holmes said, “Let there be a light”: and the pipe was alight.
And Holmes saw the ash, that it was good: and Holmes wrote a monograph 'Upon the Distinction between the Ashes of the Various Tobaccos.' In it He enumerated a hundred and forty forms of cigar-, cigarette-, and pipe-tobacco, with coloured plates illustrating the difference in the ash.
And Holmes deduced the light was Day, and from the darkness he deduced Night. And the evening and the morning were the first day.
And Holmes said, Let there be a Baker Street in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters.
And Holmes made the Baker Street, and divided the waters which were under the firmament from the waters which were above the firmament: and it was so.
And Holmes called the Baker Street “Heaven”. And the evening and the morning were the second day.
And Holmes said, “Let the waters around the Baker Street be gathered together unto the Thames, and let the London appear”: and it was so.
And Holmes called the London “That Great Cesspool Into Which All The Loungers And Idlers Of The Empire Are Irresistibly Drained”; and Holmes saw that it was afoot.
And Holmes said, “Let the London bring forth a seven-per-cent solution of cocaine”: and it was so.
And the London brought forth coca, yielding seed after his kind, and the poppy, whose seed was in itself, after his kind: and Holmes saw that it was afoot.
And the evening and the morning were the third day.
And Holmes said, “Let there be lights in the firmament of the heaven to divide the day from the night; and let me not be aware that the London travels round the Sun for what the deuce is it to me?”
“And let them be for lights in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the London”: and it was so.
And Holmes made two great lights; the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night: he made the gas lamps also.
And Holmes set them in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the London.
And to rule over the day and over the night, and to divide the light from the darkness: and Holmes decided that it would not make a pennyworth of difference to Him or to His work. So He made the yellow fog to swirl down the street and drift across the dun-coloured houses.
And the evening and the morning were the fourth day.
And Holmes said, “Let the Thames bring forth abundantly the moving creature that hath life, and fowl that may fly above the London in the open firmament of heaven.”
And Holmes created venomous jellyfish, and geese. With crops that are at least big enough to hold gem stones. And Holmes poured himself a brandy, for He had not yet created the Mrs Hudson to do this for Him.
And Holmes blessed them, saying, “Be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the waters in the Thames, and let fowl multiply in the London. Especially geese. With crops that are at least big enough to hold gem stones.”
And the evening and the morning were the fifth day.
And Holmes said, “Let the London bring forth the living creature after his kind, monstrous hounds, remarkable worms, giant rats and swamp adders”: and it was so.
And Holmes made the hound after their kind, and every thing that creepeth upon the London after his kind: and Holmes saw that it would make good plots later on.
And Holmes said, “Let us make man in our image (but not as clever), after our likeness (but with a smaller nose): and let them have dominion over the jellyfish of the sea, and over the geese of the air, and over the hounds, and over all the London, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the London.”
So Holmes created man in his own image but with a smaller nose, in the image of Holmes created he him; male and female created he them. But not as clever. And he did not trust the female, nor giveth her the vote.
And Holmes blessed them, and Holmes said unto them, “Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the London, and subdue it: and have dominion over the jellyfish of the sea, and over the geese of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the London. And then after twenty-six stories kill the female off and try not to mention her again.”
And Holmes said, “Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the London, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat.”
“And to every hound of the London, and to every geese of the air, and to every thing that creepeth upon the London, wherein there is life, I have given every green herb for meat”: and it was so.
And Holmes saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, he was bored. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day.
Thus the Baker Street and the London were completed in all their vast array.
By the seventh day Holmes had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he went to Simpson’s for supper. Then Holmes blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it he took his bottle from the corner of the mantel-piece and his hypodermic syringe from its neat morocco case.
In the name of the Sherlock, the Watson and the Conan Doyle. Amen.
Any Other Business:
It was noted that "Shingle of Southsea" is an angram of "Single Holmesian". If you ignore some of the letters. And add some different ones.
The next meeting has been scheduled for Friday 9th February 2018 at 8pm BST.
Here are some photographs of the Shingle of Southsea enjoying their meeting:
