Sunday, 8 December 2024

Monthly Meeting Minutes – 8th December 2024

Date of Meeting: 8th December 2024


Location of Meeting:

The Sherloft, My House, Portsmouth, UK

 

Attendees:

"The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller)

 

Apologies:

"The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller) apologised for ever having thought that thought which he can't talk about.

 

Toast:

Paul Thomas Miller (The Entire Canon) gave the following toast:


God rest ye merry gentlemen

Let nothing you dismay

Remember strange behaviour

Took place 'fore Christmas Day

To save a jewel James Ryder nicked

Down a goose it was placed

Oh tidings of schemes and dirty ploys

Schemes and ploys

Oh tidings of schemes and dirty ploys


And so forth.

 

Presentation:

Paul Thomas Miller (The Entire Canon) presented the following festive fudgery:


A recent search of the rooms of Cardinal Tosca found the some important document documents hidden in a secret safe under his floorboards. It appears that these are the originals upon which the prologues of the gospels of Luke and Matthew are based. It is proof, if it were needed, that not only is Sherlock Holmes real, he is also the son of God and saviour of all true believers. The text of these documents has been translated from the original cockney rhyming slang and reads as follows:


The Birth of Sherlock Foretold

God sent the angel Hosmer to London, a town in England, to a Vernet married to a man named Siger, a descendant of Mycroft Snr. The Vernet’s name was Violet. The angel went to her and said, “Greetings, you who are highly artistic! The Lord is with you.”

Violet was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be. But the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Violet; you have found favour with God. You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you are to call him Sherlock. He will be great and will be called the Best and Wisest man. The Lord God will give him the rooms of Baker Street, and he will reign over London’s descendants forever; his kingdom will never end.”

“How will this be,” Violet asked the angel, “since I am a Victorian and have not seen so much as my husband’s bare ankles for seven years?”

The angel answered, “The Spirit of Inquiry will come on you, and the power of the Deduction will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called the Son of God. Or possibly just Sherlock for less showy occasions.

“I am the Lord’s servant,” Violet answered. “May your word to me be fulfilled.” Then the angel left her. Without so much as a by-your-leave. Which just shows how rude these so called “angels” are.

So it was that Violet was married to Siger, but she was found to be pregnant through the Spirit of Inquiry. Because Siger her husband was faithful to the law, and yet did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly.

But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, “Siger son of Mycroft Snr, do not be afraid to take Violet home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Spirit of Inquiry. She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Sherlock, and he will save his people from their conundrums.”

When Siger woke up, he did what the angel of the Lord had commanded. But he did not do the deed of darkness up her until after she gave birth to a son.

And the angel peeked out of his hiding place and said “Lol! He bought it.” And winked at God.

The Birth of Sherlock

In those days George Hamilton-Gordon, 4th Earl of Aberdeen issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire British Empire. And everyone went to their own town to register.

So Siger also went up from the town of London to the North Riding of Yorkshire, because he belonged to the house and line of the farmstead of Mycroft. He went there to register with Violet, who was expecting a child. While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born, and she gave birth to a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because she had accidentally given birth in a stable on the farm.

And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the North Riding a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Consulting Detective. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”

Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,  “Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those blah blah and so forth.”

And a good many sheep dropped dead from shock. When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Most of our sheep are now dead, and the ones that are left will never get back to sleep after all that hoo-hah. Let’s go to the farmstead of Mycroft and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about. And see if we can claim compensation.”

So they hurried off and found Violet and Siger, and the baby, who was lying in the manger.  When they had seen him, they spread the word to Social Services about the people keeping a baby in a manger when they had a perfectly good manor house right there, and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. They were also pretty impressed that the baby had been born with a whacking great halo bobbing about his bonce. But Violet treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told. But Siger refused to pay any compensation for their dead sheep and so they had to go into the steel industry.

At this point, things were getting really confusing, so Siger went down the pub for a break and ended up coming home pissed and singing rude songs about his cavalry days.

On the eighth day, when it was time to circumcise the child, he was named William Sherlock Scott Holmes, the name the angel had given him before he was conceived.

Then the reverend Sabine Baring-Gould pointed out that they were not Jewish and tried to glue the foreskin back on, blessed them and said to Violet, his mother: “This child is destined to cause the falling and rising of many in London, and to be a sign that will be spoken against, so that the thoughts of many hearts will be revealed.” Which was nice of him, but then he added “And a sword will pierce your own soul too.” Which was confusing and a little upsetting.

The Magi Visit the Consulting Detective

After Sherlock was born in the North Riding of Yorkshire, during the time of Queen Victoria, Magi from the East End came to Yorkshire and asked, “Where is the one who has been born king of the Detectives? We saw his star when it rose and have come to worship him.”

When Prince Albert heard this he was disturbed, because he is German and therefore sneaky. When he had called together all the people’s chief priests and teachers of the law, he asked them where the Master Detective was to be born. “In the farmstead of Mycroft in the North Riding of Yorkshire,” they replied.

Then Prince Albert called the Magi secretly and found out from them the exact time the star had appeared. He sent them to Yorkshire and said, “Go and search carefully for the child. As soon as you find him, report to me, so that I too may go and worship him.”

But he didn’t really intend to worship Sherlock. He actually wanted to Jack-The-Ripper him up, because Prince Albert was secretly Jack-The-Ripper. Thirty-something years too early. Typical sneaky German.

After they had heard the prince, they went on their way, and the star they had seen when it rose went ahead of them until it stopped over the place where the child was. Like sat-nav. But a star. When they saw the star, they were overjoyed, because light pollution is quite bad in London so you can’t really see the night sky there. On coming to the house, they saw the child with his mother Violet, and they bowed down and worshiped him. Then they opened their treasures and presented him with gifts of a massive Calabash pipe, an ounce of shag tobacco and a deerstalker hat. And having been warned in a dream not to go back to Prince Albert, they returned to Bishopsgate by another route.

The Escape to London

When they had gone, yet another bloody angel of the Lord appeared to Siger in a dream. “Get up,” he said, “take the child and his mother and escape to London, that great cesspool into which all the loungers and idlers of the Empire are irresistibly drained. Stay there until I tell you, for Prince Albert is going to search for the child to kill him up. And anyway, you’ll fit right in there.”

So he got up, took the children and his mother during the night and left for London, where he stayed until the death of Albert. And so was fulfilled what the Lord had said through the prophet: “Out of London I called my jack-in-office.”

When Albert realized that he had been outwitted by the Magi, he was furious, and he gave orders to his countrymen to work towards starting a war in about sixty years’ time. Then what was said through the prophet Jeremiah was fulfilled:

“An east wind is coming, weeping and great mourning, blah blah and so on.”


Any Other Business:

"The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller) insisted that this was now the Shingle Christmas Do, drank three bottles of Malbec and passed out in the tinsel.


Wednesday, 27 November 2024

Monthly Meeting Minutes – 27th November 2024

Date of Meeting: 27th November 2024


Location of Meeting:

The Sherloft, My House, Portsmouth, UK

 

Attendees:

"The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller)

 

Apologies:

"The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller) decided to accept any apologies offered in the next half hour. No questions asked.

 

Toast:

With butter and Bovril.

 

Presentation:

Paul Thomas Miller (The Entire Canon) presented the following contemplation about how great next year will be.


Why 2025 Will Be the Best Holmesian Year Ever.

 2025 is destined to be a great year for Holmesiana simply because of all the incredible Sherlockian anniversaries which will take place. Consider the following.

In 2025:

· it will have been 138 years since the first publication of a Sherlock Holmes story. (1887)

· it will have been 137 years since the case Watson called "A Scandal in Bohemia" took place. (1888)

· it will have been 136 years since The Sign of the Four was commissioned for Lippincott's Monthly at a dinner in the Langham Hotel with Joseph Marshall Stoddart and Oscar Wilde. (1889)

· it will have been 135 years since the first appearance of The Sign of the Four in Lippincott's Monthly magazine. (1890)

· it will have been 134 years since J. M. Barrie penned his Holmes parody - "My Evening with Sherlock Holmes". (1891)

· it will have been 133 years since The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes were first published in book form. (1892)

· it will have been 132 years since a report of the death of Sherlock Holmes (in the form of “The Final Problem”) was first published in The Strand Magazine. (1893)

· it will have been 131 years since Holmes returned from the grave (according to Watson in "The Empty House"). (1894)

· it will have been 130 years since “always” (according to Vincent Starrett's poem 221b. (1895)

· it will have been 129 years since the original publication of "The Field Bazaar" in The Student. (1896)

· it will have been 128 years since Holmes was forced to take a Cornish holiday, according to an account Watson called "The Devil's Foot". (1897)

· it will have been 127 years since the original publication of two apocryphal Holmes stories - "The Man with the Watches" and "The Lost Special". (1898)

· it will have been 126 years since the William Gillette Sherlock Holmes play premiered on Broadway. (1899)

· it will have been 125 years since Sherlock Holmes Baffled was first released - it is believed to be the first film to feature Sherlock Holmes. (1900)

· it will have been 124 years since The Hound of the Baskervilles began serialisation in The Strand. (1901)

· it will have been 123 years since "The Illustrious Client" case took place, according to Watson's account. (1902)

· it will have been 122 years since "The Empty House" was first published in Collier's. (1903)

· it will have been 121 years since "The Original of Sherlock Holmes" by Harold Emery Jones was published in Collier's, proving that Sherlock Holmes is based upon Joseph Bell. (1904)

· it will have been 120 years since Adventures of Sherlock Holmes; or, Held for Ransom (the first "serious" Holmes film) was released. (1905)

· it will have been 119 years since Maurice Leblanc published the first Sherlock Holmes and Arsène Lupin story: "Sherlock Holmes Arrives Too Late". (The name "Sherlock Holmes" would later be changed to "Herlock Sholmes" for copyright reasons.) (1906)

· it will have been 118 years since Doyle's work on the Edalji case helped establish the Court of Criminal Appeal. (1907)

· it will have been 117 years since Sherlock Holmes in the Great Murder Mystery was released. It is believed to be the first appearance of Dr Watson on film. (1908)

· it will have been 116 years since Viggo Larsen's The Grey Lady was released. (1909)

· it will have been 115 years since Doyle's play - The Adventure of the Speckled Band - premiered at the Adelphi Theatre, London with H. A. Saintsbury as Sherlock Holmes. (1910)

· it will have been 114 years since Ronald A. Knox first read his paper "Studies in the Literature of Sherlock Holmes" to members of the Bodley Club at Merton College, Oxford. (1911)

· it will have been 113 years since the first of the Georges Tréville movies - The Speckled Band - was released. (1912)

· it will have been 112 years since "The Adventure of the Dying Detective" first appeared in Collier's and paved the way for S.P.O.D.E. and P.O.O.P. (1913)

· it will have been 111 years since the latest Holmes case Watson recorded took place - "His Last Bow". (1914)

· it will have been 110 years since the phrase "Elementary, my dear Watson, elementary," was first published in book form by P. G. Wodehouse in Psmith, Journalist. (1915)

· it will have been 109 years since the William Gillette movie version of his play Sherlock Holmes was released. (1916)

· it will have been 108 years since "His Last Bow" was first published in The Strand. (1917)

· it will have been 107 years since early blaxploitation film A Black Sherlock Holmes was released. (The lead character is a tribute to Holmes rather than a representation of him. It is not a proud moment for Sherlockiana.) (1918)

· it will have been 106 years since the German film Echte Perlen, starring Ferdinand Bonn as Sherlock Holmes, was released. (1919)

· it will have been 105 years since Vincent Starrett first privately printed his pastiche - The Unique Hamlet. (1920)

· it will have been 104 years since the first batch of the Stoll Pictures' Sherlock Holmes films starring Eille Norwood were released. (1921)

· it will have been 103 years since Sherlock Holmes - a silent film starring John Barrymore (grandfather of Drew Barrymore) - was released. (1922)

· it will have been 102 years since Eille Norwood's version of The Sign of Four was released. (1923)

· it will have been 101 years since "How Watson Learned the Trick" was handwritten by Doyle for the library of Queen Mary's Dolls' House. (1924)

· it will have been 100 years since Stan Laurel first appeared on screen dressed as Holmes (in The Sleuth). (1925)

· it will have been 99 years since the first Holmes story purported to be penned by Holmes - The Adventure of the Blanched Soldier - was debuted in Liberty. (1926)

· it will have been 98 years since Doyle published his last Sherlock Holmes story - "The Adventure of Shoscombe Old Place". (1927)

· it will have been 97 years since the famous talking picture footage of Doyle speaking about Holmes and spiritualism was filmed by William Fox. (1928)

· it will have been 96 years since the silent German film Der Hund Von Baskerville, starring Carlyle Blackwell Sr. as Sherlock Holmes, was released. (1929)

· it will have been 95 years since William Gillette played Holmes on the radio for the first time. It was in a version of “The Speckled Band”. (1930)

· it will have been 94 years since the first of five films starring Arthur Wontner as Sherlock Holmes - The Sleeping Cardinal - was released. (1931)

· it will have been 93 years since Clive Brook's film Sherlock Holmes was released by Fox. (1932)

· it will have been 92 years since Harpo and Chico Marx both appeared on screen dressed as Sherlock Holmes in Duck Soup. (1933)

· it will have been 91 years since the Baker Street Irregulars was formed. (1934)

· it will have been 90 years since Arthur Wontner's The Triumph of Sherlock Holmes was released. (1935)

· it will have been 89 years since the Holmesian play Christmas Eve by S. C. Roberts was first printed. (1936)

· it will have been 88 years since Der Mann, Der Sherlock Holmes War was released. (1937)

· it will have been 87 years since Orson Welles played his version of Holmes in a radio version of the Gillette play. (1938)

· it will have been 86 years since the first of the Fox Studios' Basil Rathbone films (The Hound of the Baskervilles) was released. (1939)

· it will have been 85 years since Anthony Boucher's book The Case of the Baker Street Irregulars was first published. (1940)

· it will have been 84 years since Rex Stout first delivered his paper “Watson Was a Woman” at a BSI dinner. (1941)

· it will have been 83 years since the first of the Universal Studios' Basil Rathbone films - Sherlock Holmes and the Voice of Terror - was released. (1942)

· it will have been 82 years since "Dr. Watson’s Christian Name" by Dorothy L. Sayers first appeared, arguing that Watson's middle name is Hamish. (1943)

· it will have been 81 years since The Misadventures of Sherlock Holmes, compiled by Ellery Queen, was first published. (1944)

· it will have been 80 years since In Re: Sherlock Holmes: The Adventures of Solar Pons - a collection of Holmes pastiches by August Derleth - was first published. (1945)

· it will have been 79 years since The Baker Street Journal was first published. (1946)

· it will have been 78 years since Sherlock Holmes and Music by Guy Warrack was first published. (1947)

· it will have been 77 years since the American Cosmopolitan magazine published "The Man Who Was Wanted", erroneously claiming it to be a lost ACD Holmes story. It later turned out to be by Arthur Whitaker. (1948)

· it will have been 76 years since Alan Napier (best known for playing Adam West's Alfred) played Sherlock Holmes in a version of "The Speckled Band" for the TV series Your Show Time. (1949)

· it will have been 75 years since Art in the Blood by James Montgomery was published for Christmas 1950 and set up an enduring connection between Aunt Clara and Irene Adler. (1950)

· it will have been 74 years since My Dear Holmes by Gavin Brend was first published. (1951)

· it will have been 73 years since the first issue of The Sherlock Holmes Journal was published. (1952)

· it will have been 72 years since a Holmesian ballet called The Great Detective was staged by the Sadler's Wells troupe. (It seems to have never been repeated.) (1953)

· it will have been 71 years since Ronald Howard's excellent portrayal of Holmes in the TV series Sherlock Holmes first aired. (1954)

· it will have been 70 years since Boris Karloff played a pastiche of Sherlock Holmes in the "Sting of Death" episode of The Elgin Hour. (1955)

· it will have been 69 years since Daffy Duck played Sherlock Holmes for the first time in Deduce, You Say. (1956)

· it will have been 68 years since Alfred Hitchcock appeared as Sherlock Holmes while introducing the "The Perfect Crime" episode of Alfred Hitchcock Presents. (1957)

· it will have been 67 years since Basil of Baker Street by Eve Titus was published with illustrations by Paul Galdone. (1958)

· it will have been 66 years since the Hammer Horror version of The Hound of the Baskervilles, starring Peter Cushing as Sherlock Holmes, was released. (1959)

· it will have been 65 years since The Valley of Fear got its first radio dramitisation as part of the BBC series with Carleton Hobbs as Holmes. (1960)

· it will have been 64 years since In Action Comics Vol. 1, #283, Superman accidentally wished Sherlock Holmes into being. (1961)

· it will have been 63 years since Sherlock Holmes of Baker Street: A Life of the World's First Consulting Detective by William S. Baring-Gould was first published. (1962)

· it will have been 62 years since Alan Wheatley appeared in a radio version of The Man Who Was Sherlock Holmes. (1963)

· it will have been 61 years since the pilot version of Douglas Wilmer's BBC series Sherlock Holmes first aired. (1964)

· it will have been 60 years since Douglas Wilmer's BBC series Sherlock Holmes began in earnest with "The Illustrious Client". (1965)

· it will have been 59 years since The Monkees saw Micky Dolenz dress as Sherlock Holmes in the episode "Monkee See, Monkee Do". (1966)

· it will have been 58 years since William S. Baring-Gould published The Annotated Sherlock Holmes in two volumes. (1967)

· it will have been 57 years since Peter Cushing took over from Douglas Wilmer as Holmes in the BBC series Sherlock Holmes. His first episode was "The Second Stain". (1968)

· it will have been 56 years since the release of The Best House in London - which saw Sherlock Holmes attend a brothel. (1969)

· it will have been 55 years since Billy Wilder's The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes, starring Robert Stephens as Sherlock Holmes, was released. (1970)

· it will have been 54 years since They Might Be Giants, which stars George C. Scott as a delusional judge who believes he is Sherlock Holmes, was released. (1971)

· it will have been 53 years since A Sherlock Holmes Commentary by D. Martin Dakin was first published. (1972)

· it will have been 52 years since John Cleese appeared in an episode of Comedy Playhouse - Elementary, My Dear Watson - as Holmes with Willy Rushton as his Watson. (1973)

· it will have been 51 years since Robert Powell played Sherlock Holmes in a radio version of A Study in Scarlet. (1974)

· it will have been 50 years since Gene Wilder's dreadful film - The Adventure of Sherlock Holmes' Smarter Brother - was released. (1975)

· it will have been 49 years since the film version of The Seven-Per-Cent Solution by Nicholas Meyer was released. (1976)

· it will have been 48 years since Exit Sherlock Holmes: The Great Detective's Final Days by Robert Lee Hall was first published. And eminent Holmesian Paul Thomas Miller was born. (1977)

· it will have been 47 years since Paul Giovanni's play The Crucifer of Blood premiered on Broadway with Paxton Whitehead as Holmes and Timothy Landfield as Watson. (1978)

· it will have been 46 years since Murder by Decree was released. It is one of many pastiche tales about Holmes and Jack the Ripper and is most notable for James Mason's excellent portrayal of Dr. Watson. (1979)

· it will have been 45 years since The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson starring Vasily Livanoc as Sherlock Holmes was first aired on Russian TV. (1980)

· it will have been 44 years since Vasily Livanov's version of The Hound of the Baskervilles got its first airing on Russian TV. (1981)

· it will have been 43 years since Tom Baker's widely panned TV version of The Hound of the Baskervilles was first shown on the BBC. (1982)

· it will have been 42 years since Ian Richardson appeared in two TV movies as Sherlock Holmes - The Sign of Four and The Hound of the Baskervilles. (1983)

· it will have been 41 years since Jeremy Brett's TV portrayal of Sherlock Holmes made its debut with a version of "A Scandal in Bohemia". (1984)

· it will have been 40 years since Stephen Spielberg's Young Sherlock Holmes was released and saw a schoolboy Holmes (played by Nicholas Rowe) on a distinctly Indiana Jones style adventure. It was the first full-length movie to feature a completely computer-generated character. (1985)

· it will have been 39 years since the Disney animated film Basil the Great Mouse Detective (loosely based on the Basil of Baker Street books by Eve Titus) was released. (1986)

· it will have been 38 years since The Return of Sherlock Holmes, which starred Michael Pennington as a cryogenically frozen Sherlock Holmes, was first aired. (1987)

· it will have been 37 years since the comedy film Without a Clue, starring Michael Caine as Holmes and Ben Kingsley as Watson, was released. (1988)

· it will have been 36 years since the BBC Radio 4 series Sherlock Holmes starring Clive Merrison as Holmes and Michael Williams as Dr Watson debuted. (1989)

· it will have been 35 years since the Sherlock Holmes Museum opened in Baker Street. (1990)

· it will have been 34 years since "The Consulting Detective Mystery" episode of Father Dowling Mysteries first aired, allowing Father Dowling to meet the ghost of Sherlock Holmes. (1991)

· it will have been 33 years since Christopher Lee played Holmes travelling in South Africa in Incident at Victoria Falls - a TV movie. (1992)

· it will have been 32 years since a series of commemorative stamps designed by Andrew Davidson were released by the Royal Mail. (1993)

· it will have been 31 years since Laurie R. King's series of Mary Russell books debuted with The Beekeeper's Apprentice. (1994)

· it will have been 30 years since the Holmesian Wishbone episode - "The Slobbery Hound" - aired for the first time. (1995)

· it will have been 29 years since Patrick McNee presented a documentary about Sherlock Holmes called In the Footsteps of Sherlock Holmes. (1996)

· it will have been 28 years since the kid's TV series The Adventures of Shirley Holmes began on YTV. (1997)

· it will have been 27 years since Spike Milligan published his reworking of The Hound of the Baskervilles in 1998 under the title The Hound of the Baskervilles According to Spike Milligan. (1998)

· it will have been 26 years since the kid's cartoon series Sherlock Holmes in the 22nd Century was first aired. (1999)

· it will have been 25 years since Matt Frewer's debut film as Holmes - The Hound of the Baskervilles - first aired. (2000)

· it will have been 24 years since O Xangô de Baker Street was released and became famous for its Holmesian diarrhoea scene. (2001)

· it will have been 23 years since Frogwares released the first of their Sherlock Holmes video games - Sherlock Holmes: The Mystery of the Mummy. (2002)

· it will have been 22 years since Neil Gaiman's Cthulhu-Holmes mash up "A Study in Emerald" was published for the first time in the anthology Shadows Over Baker Street. (2003)

· it will have been 21 years since The Final Solution: A Story of Detection - a brilliant Sherlock Holmes pastiche by Michael Chabon - was first published. (2004)

· it will have been 20 years since the docudrama The Strange Case of Sherlock Holmes and Arthur Conan Doyle, starring Douglas Henshall as Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, first aired. (2005)

· it will have been 19 years since the first of the Enola Holmes books by Nancy Springer - Enola Holmes and the Case of the Missing Marquess - was first published. (2006)

· it will have been 18 years since the first episode of BBC kid's TV show Sherlock Holmes and the Baker Street Irregulars, starring Jonathan Pryce as Holmes, originally aired. (2007)

· it will have been 17 years since the first of J. R. Campbell and Charles Prepolec's excellent Gaslight anthologies - Gaslight Grimoire - was published. (2008)

· it will have been 16 years since the first film starring Robert Downey Jr. as Holmes - Sherlock Holmes - was released. (2009)

· it will have been 15 years since the Benedict Cumberbatch series Sherlock debuted on the BBC. (2010)

· it will have been 14 years since Moriarty: The Hound of the D'Urbervilles by Kim Newman was published (2011)

· it will have been 13 years since the Jonny Lee Miller series Elementary debuted on CBS. (2012)

· it will have been 12 years since the Deadpool: Killustrated comics were first published and saw Sherlock Holmes take on Deadpool as he attempted to kill all of fiction. (2013)

· it will have been 11 years since the Polish metaphysical thriller movie Sherlock Holmes and People of Tomorrow was released. (2014)

· it will have been 10 years since Mr. Holmes - a film adaptation of A Slight Trick of the Mind by Mitch Cullin - was released. (2015)

· it will have been 9 years since Pikachu first donned a Sherlock Holmes costume for the Japanese release of the Nintendo 3DS game Detective Pikachu. (2016)

· it will have been 8 years since the amazing collection of short stories The Whole Art of Detection: Lost Mysteries of Sherlock Holmes by Lyndsay Faye was published. (2017)

· it will have been 7 years since the greatest of all Sherlock Holmes films was released - Holmes & Watson starring Will Ferrell as Sherlock Holmes and John C. Reilly as Dr. Watson. (2018)

· it will have been 6 years since Sherlock: Untold Stories debuted on Japanese television with Dean Fujioka playing the main character, Shishio Homare. (2019)

· it will have been 5 years since the first of the Enola Holmes films - Enola Holmes - was released on Netflix. (2020)

· it will have been 4 years since The Irregulars, a Holmesian fantasy series, was released on Netflix and immediately upset all the miserable old wankers who can't wrap their heads around the idea of an alternate universe. (2021)

· it will have been 3 years since Netflix released Enola Holmes 2. (2022)

· it will have been 2 years since Mark Gatiss's radio version of The Hound of the Baskervilles first aired, with Gatiss as Holmes and Sanjeev Bhaskar as Watson. (2023)

· it will have been 1 years since Karl Coppack recorded a show about “The Abbey Grange”. (2024)


Any Other Business:

"The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller) did nothing for 45 minutes. But he did it really well.


Saturday, 12 October 2024

Monthly Meeting Minutes – 12th October 2024

Date of Meeting: 12th October 2024

 

Location of Meeting:

The Sherloft, My House, Portsmouth, UK

 

Attendees:

"The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller)

 

Apologies:

"The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller) did not apologise because he has discovered that "Do what thou will, shall be the whole of the law."

 

Toast:

Paul Thomas Miller (The Entire Canon) toasted something but we didn't really understand what:


As above,

so below.

Through Sherlock Holmes

All things flow.

 

Presentation:

Paul Thomas Miller (The Entire Canon) presented the following excessively long essay about how to summon the spirit of Sherlock Holmes using occult practices:


How To Summon The Spirit of Sherlock Holmes

By Paul Thomas Miller

So, you want to summon the spirit of Sherlock Holmes? Fine. Let’s see what we can do. But I should be very clear here – I don’t have a clue what I am talking about. If you go ahead and try this out, accidentally open a portal to the underworld and end up covered in evil, with all demons poking your knees and imps rubbing your eyes with sandpaper – that’s on you. I accept no responsibility for any results of reading or acting upon this essay.

Also, there’s a good chance that if you take any type of spirituality or religion seriously, this may be filled with stuff which, either through being incorrect or blasphemous, will cause you offence. Soz. If you read on and get upset, that’s pretty much on you at this point.

Still interested? Cool. Here’s what we’re going to do – we’re going to create an altar upon which we will draw a talisman specifically designed to summon up Sherlock Holmes. Then, in the right time and place, we’re going to rip off an incantation from The Lesser Key of Solomon and hope that does the job. What you do when you have summoned Sherlock Holmes is your business.

The talisman is going to be a predominant part of this ritual and designing it is going to take a lot of thought. Every element of its construction must be properly considered. If this is going to work, we want to include as many correspondences as possible between the important factors in our goal. These are, Sherlock Holmes, our connection with Sherlock Holmes and the act of summoning a spirit. We need to include links to the relevant planets, zodiacal signs, days, dates, lunar phases, alphabets, numbers, angels, demons, gems, minerals, animals, plants, flowers, metals, colours, gods, elements and shapes in order to make a powerful magical symbol to aid our quest.

We shall begin in the realm of Astrology. To proceed, we need to know the time, date and place of Sherlock Holmes’s birth. Most of this information can be found in the foremost biography of the master detective -  Sherlock Holmes of Baker Street (1962) by William S. Baring-Gould. We can trust this information not just because Baring-Gould was one of the great Sherlockian scholars, but also because he was the grandson of Sabine Baring-Gould – a distinguished Anglican priest – and therefore incapable of deception. Sherlock Holmes was born somewhere in the North Riding of Yorkshire on Wednesday, 6th January 1854. I know this date has its dissenters, but, as will be seen, an examination of the astrological evidence does much to confirm this date. Establishing the time of his birth is more difficult. Scientific research in recent years has found a strong bias towards births taking place in the small hours of the morning. One study, conducted by Professor Alison Macfarlane (Study reveals time and day women most likely to give birth | Nursing Times), found that 71.5% take place between 5pm and 9am. The majority of these took place between 1am and 7am. And there is a huge peak in births around 4am. Holmes was a man who loved science and would be unlikely to go against it, therefore he must have been born at 4am.

With this information in hand, we can start to look at Holmes’s astrological information. He was born under the sign of Capricorn - the sea-goat - which is an earth sign. At the time of his birth Jupiter was in Capricorn. However, the sign is ruled by Saturn - which would have been visible in the west at the moment of his birth. The only other planet visible that morning would have been Mars which was travelling from Virgo to Leo in the south. In the southwest anyone with a strong telescope may have been able to make out the beehive cluster in Cancer.

We already see here signs confirming our choice of day and time. The appearance of the beehive cluster is surely a nod to Holmes’s retirement – keeping bees upon the Sussex downs. That much is obvious. But let us look more deeply.

From Astrology: How to Make and Read Your Own Horoscope, a 1920 book by Sepharial, we get the following physical description of a classic Capricorn:

“Frequently the figure is wiry and suggestive of considerable powers of endurance. The brows are prominent, the nose long, and the face thin and hard-set.”

This compares favourably with Watson’s description of Holmes in STUD:

“His very person and appearance were such as to strike the attention of the most casual  observer. In height he was rather over six feet, and so excessively lean that he seemed to be considerably taller. His eyes were sharp and piercing… and his thin, hawk-like nose gave his whole expression an air of alertness and decision. His chin, too, had the prominence and squareness which mark the man of determination.”

The personality of a Capricorn also seems to match what we know of Holmes. I gathered the following from astrology.com and it seems almost a deliberate thumbnail sketch of Holmes:

“…both a Capricorn woman or Capricorn man, those born with the Sea-Goat as their rising, sun, or moon sign have a discipline, masterful, and determined energy in the core of their personality… able to set and conquer the loftiest goals one step at a time… great at being determined, consistent, and reliable. They often over-deliver on their promises and take their honor and public reputation very seriously… Capricorn strengths can be found in their perseverance, longevity, and focused self-mastery. Coolheaded and down to earth, they have strong powers of discernment… Capricorns may not be seeking fame or glamour in the obvious sense… see the world with a pragmatic and sober eye… developing a dark, rueful humor… They often achieve fame and accolades later in life, coming into their own after years of dedication… being myopically focused on their goals, becoming stubborn and relentless. They may hold everyone else to the strong work ethic that drives them, not understanding that others have different rhythms, values, and needs… traditionalists and may have a conservative streak… honorable… may end up isolating themselves… may hide pain or depression behind a mask of self-sufficiency and dry humor.”

I’ve boiled it down to the most salient points, but, by all means, go and check out the typical character traits of a Capricorn wherever you like, you will find little to detract from the argument that Holmes was a Capricorn.

Having a ruling planet of Saturn also seems to make sense for Holmes. In good aspect, Saturn produces steadfastness and fidelity, while in bad aspect it can produce deceitfulness and suspicion. Holmes could certainly be deceitful – as his ability at undercover work shows, but he is fortunate that Jupiter was in Capricorn at the moment of his birth, for Jupiter brings benevolence and, as such, Holmes only ever used his deceptions for good. Saturn as a ruling planet is likely to bring wisdom, stability, persistence, 'saturnine' temperament – I am sure I do not need to bore the reader with citations proving that this describes Holmes.

Further confirmation that we have the correct date can be seen in the day of his birth – Wednesday. In English, Wednesday literally mans the day of Woden (the English version of Odin), whereas much of the rest of Europe prefers to designate it as Mercury’s day (e.g. mercredi (French), mercoledì (Italian), miércoles (Spanish) and miercuri (Romanian)). This goes back to the Romans who considered Odin to be a version of Mercury due to both gods having a role as a psychopomp (that is, a guide taking spirits to the afterlife).

Mercury’s involvement in our enterprise is helpful. He is, after all, the messenger of the gods and as such is a bridge between the upper and lower worlds. If any of the gods can help us communicate with a spirit, this is our guy. As well as being the god of communication and serving as the guide of souls to the underworld he is also considered to be the god of trickery and thieves. This suggests he would have an interest in the tricks Holmes used to catch criminals and Holmes’s knowledge of villainous tricks and thefts he has detected.

However, despite a small amount of French ancestry, Holmes is a decidedly English character – born in Yorkshire and the descendent of North Riding country squires, possessing a certain respect for the royal family and suggesting a love of London and its occupants. His Wednesday, then, is predominantly a day for the British god – Woden. He is a god of wisdom, the gallows, knowledge and victory – all factors which relate to Holmes. He is also the god of sorcery, which bodes well for our magical enterprise. And, as he is very much the British version of Odin. For our purposes, he also indicates that the use of the runic alphabet would be best suited to use in our talisman.

Angels and/or demons are often invoked in magical practices, especially in necromancy. We should, then consider which demons and angels might want to help us out. The angel is easiest to identify. This would certainly be the archangel Jophiel who, as well as beauty and art, is associated with wisdom. This is the chap who will have the closest bond with Holmes. After all Holmes is the fellow with “art in the blood” and who Watson describes as the wisest man he ever knew. The demon is a trickier one to choose. There are four who are associated with logic: Buer, Foras, Furcas and Cimejes. For my money, Foras – the thirty-first fallen angel – most aligns with Holmes and our mission. According to The Lesser Key of Solomon (an anonymously authored 17th century grimoire) Foras “…is a Mighty President, and appeareth in the Form of a Strong Man in Human Shape. He can give the understanding to Men how they may know the Virtues of all Herbs and Precious Stones. He teacheth the Arts of Logic and Ethics in all their parts. If desired he maketh men invisible, and to live long, and to be eloquent. He can discover Treasures and recover things Lost.” Understanding, logic and ethics are all very Holmesian traits. Furthermore, not only does the ability to discover treasures and recover things lost sound like Holmes, it is also what we are attempting to do by summoning his spirit.

In considering which spiritual animal may help us connect to Holmes, it may seem obvious to choose the goat, due to Holmes being a Capricorn. But when we consider The Canon, the Hound seems to present itself as far more appropriate. The Hound of the Baskervilles was one of his greatest cases after all, and Watson’s writings are littered with dogs helping Holmes or being an integral part of the mysteries he solved. But more than this, Holmes himself is repeatedly likened to a Hound. Watson first makes this comparison in A Study in Scarlet:

“As I watched him I was irresistibly reminded of a pure-blooded well-trained foxhound as it dashes backwards and forwards through the covert, whining in its eagerness, until it comes across the lost scent.”

When I made a quick count through all the texts, I found eight such comparisons made by Watson and another two in which Holmes himself described himself as a hound. In Celtic tradition hounds symbolised hunting and healing, which tallies with Holmes hunting evildoers and allowing people to heal from the wrongs done to them. And in a lot of European mythology dogs are associated with death. Examples include Black Shuck, Cerberus and Oude Rode Ogen (the beast of Flanders). This is attuned with our desire to bring Holmes back from beyond the vale.

Combining all this with the previously stated link to Odin, via Woden, the specific spirit animal I think would suit us is the Norse Garmr - a symbol of and guard of the underworld associated with Ragnarök and the goddess Hel. In many ways he is the Norse equivalent of Cerberus. In Rosa Baughan’s 1904 book The Influence of the Stars, I found the following:

“The dog is sometimes assigned to Mars on account of its courage and combativeness. This delightful animal is probably ruled by both Saturn and Mars; the former giving it the quality of fidelity which it possesses in a degree beyond all other creatures.”

With Saturn ruling both Holmes (as a Capricorn) and canines in general, there is already some good connection. But the addition of Mars – one of only two visible planets at the moment of Holmes’s birth – cements the deal. This is Mars – a planet associated with the element of fire, which was moving into Leo – a fire sign – in the South of the sky – the cardinal point associated with fire in magic. All of this confirms the association with Hounds and more specifically Garmr who lives in the fiery depths of the underworld.

That said, we may also wish to enlist the help of snakes as they are also associated with Saturn, feature strikingly in The Speckled Band (in which Holmes displays an understanding of the creatures and a knowledge of them through his ability to quickly identify it), and in Norse mythology snakes represent rebirth and renewal, which should aid us in our quest of resurrection.

We may also wish to employ the help of a member of the Aves class of animals. Picking this one is rather easy. The bird most associated with Capricorn is the eagle. Watson frequently describes Holmes as looking like a bird of prey. It is also the sacred bird of Odin, which ties in nicely with the Wednesday/Woden link mentioned above. Certainly, our avian help will come from an eagle.

Saturn also governs several plants. Among them the herb sage stands out as relevant. As well as being a herb, the word sage can refer to a man of profound wisdom or to the possession of such wisdom. This concurs with Watson referring to Holmes’s sagacity twice in The Canon. Further, according to Richard Folkard in his 1884 book Plant Lore, Legends, and Lyrics, in medieval times, sage was regarded as a preserver of the human race (much as Holmes strived to be) due to its healing properties. Indeed, many believed that the presence of sage could somehow defeat death, which is useful for our purposes. In magical use, it is said to help memory and quicken the senses – again, these are very Holmesian virtues.

In considering the colours of most value to us, we can start by considering those said to be related to Saturn. There is conflicting evidence here. Many sources suggest black, others suggest dark green, and some suggest dark reds. Darkness seems to be the common factor. Among the things black can symbolise are mystery and death. With Holmes being interested in mysteries and us being interested in reaching beyond death, black seems like it would be a good colour for us to work with. However, I would also argue a role for red – specifically scarlet. We should not forget our own association with Holmes is an important motivation for our endeavour. Our connection with Holmes almost entirely comes from a study of The Canon, and the genesis of that Canon was A Study in Scarlet. The effects of this are such that few Holmesians can hear a mention of “scarlet” without relating it back to this book. Red – specifically scarlet – then, also has a place on our talisman.

Lead is supposed to the metal of Capricorn and Saturn. In The Canon it predominantly features in canes which have been loaded with the weighty metal in order to make formidable weapons (those of Trevor Sr, Latimer and Sylvius spring to mind). I am in two minds over whether to include it in our designs or not, as it is mostly used by Holmes’s adversaries, making it almost anti-Holmesian. I am drawn more towards iron. This is largely because of Holmes’s “iron constitution” which Watson referenced in The Reigate Squires. It is this iron constitution which Holmes will need if he is going to return to us. Iron gets another fifty-one mentions in The Canon, including references to Holmes’s iron strength and iron nerves. Most of the other mentions are not terribly relevant but are enough to create a link between the metal and Holmesiana. To be sure, other metals get more mentions (gold and silver, for example) but none are used in quite the same way - to describe Holmes’s attributes. Iron, as I have said, is not Saturn’s metal – it is allied instead with Mars. But as I have previously noted, Mars was one of only two planets visible at the time of Holmes’s birth. It is, therefore, not wholly disconnected with our task.

Several stones have been attributed to Capricorn and/or Saturn, among them are onyx, jet, garnet and tourmaline. Onyx is present in the Agra Treasure and Mary Sutherland wears a little jet. Beyond this, there is little to connect those stones with Holmes. The most mentioned stones in The Canon are diamonds, which feature in eight different tales – but none of these mentions are particularly close to Holmes. Also, diamonds are associated with Venus and the signs Aries, Taurus and Leo – wrong planet and wrong signs. The link to our purpose is too weak. I favour another of Saturn’s stones – amethyst. It only gets one mention in The Canon, but it is a significant early mention in A Case of Identity:

“He held out his snuffbox of old gold, with a great amethyst in the centre of the lid. Its splendour was in such contrast to his homely ways and simple life that I could not help commenting upon it.

"Ah," said he, "I forgot that I had not seen you for some weeks. It is a little souvenir from the King of Bohemia in return for my assistance in the case of the Irene Adler papers."”

Amethyst has deep connections with spirituality and has been regarded as a healing stone for millennia. It is said to connect the concrete and the divine – which is handy for a ritual intended to reach from our world to the spiritual one. The ancient Greeks believed amethyst was coloured by Dionysus’s regretful tears and that it therefore had anti-Dionysian qualities. Whereas Dionysus – the god of wine – was associated with drunkenness, amethyst was associated with clarity, deep contemplation and control. Amethyst, then, seems to best represent Holmesian virtues.

Amythest is a violet colour, which immediately creates a correspondence with the flower – violet. It is the flower most referenced in The Canon (three mentions, which can be found in BOSC, SOLI and VALL) and also lends its name to four different women in the Canon. In magic, violet resembles Holmes in that it protects from evil and provides peace.

When it comes to trees, it is difficult to associate Holmes with anything other than a grand old English oak tree. To the British druids, it was the most holy tree, and many rituals would have been carried out in oak groves. Its significance is clear in Plant Lore, Legends and Lyrics, where it receives a massive entry telling us, among other things, that (like Holmes) it is an emblem of majesty, strength and England. True, it was considered Jupiter’s tree (not Saturn’s as we may wish) but remember that Jupiter was in Capricorn at the time of Holmes’s birth. Also, to the ancient Britons the oak was more associated with Taranis – the god of thunder. Taranis, then would largely equate to the Norse god Thor – the protector of humankind. Thus, we see another connection to a Holmesian virtue.

Finally, I would like to consider numerology to discover any significant Holmesian numbers which may aid us. I will then argue that these numbers provide us with the ideal shape we should use in our talisman.

When converting letters into numbers for use in numerology, the following chart is used:


 Thus, an A, J or S would all become a 1. Therefore, the name Sherlock Holmes would become 1 8 5 9 3 6 3 2 8 6 3 4 5 1. The next step is to add all these numbers together which gives us 64. However, we are seeking a single digit number, so we must now add the digits 6 and 4. This gives us 10. Finally, we add the 1 and 0 and arrive at 1. Our first significant number, then, is 1.

Next we turn to Holmes’s birthday – 06/01/1854. Adding all those digits gives us 25. Adding those gives us our next significant number – 7.

I suspect most Holmesians would agree that there are two very significant numbers to be found in The Canon - the address and stairs of Baker Street. 221b and its 17 steps.

221b would become 2 2 1 2 if we correctly substitute a 2 for the “b”. These add up to another 7 as a significant number.

The digits of the 17 steps add up to our final significant number of 8.

If we take these four numbers and use them as lengths for the four sides of a quadrilateral, we arrive at an isosceles trapezium which will serve as the Holmesian shape in our talisman.

In summary, then, we have arrived at the following elements to be included in our talisman and/or ritual:

Name - Sherlock Holmes

Date - 6th January 1854

Day - Wednesday

Zodiacal Sign - Capricorn

Ruling Planet - Saturn

Other Significant Planets - Jupiter and Mars

Gods - Woden/Odin and Mercury

Alphabet - Runic

Angel - Jophiel

Demon - Foras

Animals - Hound and Snake

Bird - Eagle

Herb - Sage

Colours - Black and Scarlet

Metal - Iron

Stone - Amythyst

Flower - Violet

Tree - Oak

Numbers - 1, 7, 7, 8

Shape - Isosceles Trapezium

We shall start by taking a solid oak board as our altar. It should measure about two feet by three feet.

In the centre of this we shall draw a circle with a nine-inch radius. (Note – unless otherwise stated, all markings should be made in black – our main Holmesian colour.)

In the centre of the circle we are going to make a scarlet isosceles trapezium with the 1:8:7:7 ratio prescribed. If the base is 8 inches, the height of the trapezium will be a tiny tiny tiny bit over six inches, so start by drawing the 8 inch horizontal, horizontally centred, but 3 inches below the vertical centre. Then do the 7-inch sides at a 60 degree angle to the base. You should find a 1 inch top caps it off nicely.

As we layout our talisman we want to place symbols in the best positions in relation to their cardinal points. Each of the points is tied to an element – north is earth, west is water, south is fire and air is east. As Holmes’s element is earth, our altar will be facing north when we use it. We can, then put the symbols of the elements on the outer edges of our altar. In the centre of the top edge we put a yellow inverse triangle with a horizontal bar through it – the symbol for earth. In the centre of the bottom goes a red upright triangle for fire. In the middle of the left edge goes a green inverse triangle for water and on the right edge we put a blue upright triangle with a horizontal bar through it for air.

 

Along the top edge, either side of the earth symbol, we shall put the runic version of Sherlock Holmes and, to reinforce this bond , in the centre of the trapezium, we shall place the runes for S and H on top of each other to form a bind rune.

 

Inside the circle, at the top (as it is an earth sign) we will place the symbol for Capricorn. There are several versions of this symbol. Choose the one you like best. I’m using this one:


 Saturn is an air planet, so the symbol for this goes on the right of the circle. Mars is a fire planet and was also in the south at the moment of Holmes’s birth, so its symbol goes at the bottom of the circle. (I am using the older symbol for Mars, so as to differentiate it from the symbol for iron which we will use later on). Jupiter lacks an element and was not visible at the time of his birth, so it has no obvious position on the talisman. Purely for symmetrical reasons, we shall place it in the left side of the circle. As Saturn is the more important of these three symbols, it should be made slightly bigger than the other two.


 With the gods, we shall place the symbol for Mercury just below our trapezium, as, in magic, mercury is a combination of water and air. The Woden symbol is more important. We will use the wheel symbol which indicates his power over life and death. This will go on the outside of the circle on the left, next to Saturn. In runes, ansuz (or “a”) is considered to mean Odin, so we will balance the alter by using this symbol on the opposite side of the circle.

 

The symbol for Jophiel belongs in the bottom right of the circle. While he is an archangel, and therefore associated with air, he wields a sword of fire which places him between these two points. He can be symbolised by a five-pointed golden star in a circle of light but is more often represented by his sigil. Foras, similarly is usually represented by sigil. His will be placed in the upper left of the circle due to his connections with plants – a product of earth and water.

 

Garmr – the Hound – shall be represented by his name in runes beneath the bind rune of SH.

 

The snake can be represented by the astronomical symbol for the constellation of Serpens. They are associated with fire in astrology, so I will place this symbol between the symbols for Mercury and Saturn in the bottom section of the circle. Similarly, the eagle can be represented by the astronomical symbol for the constellation of Aquila, which naturally belongs between the earth and air in the top right of the circle.

 

The alchemical symbol for Iron belongs near its governing planet – Mars – in the talisman. I am going to place it just outside the circle, at the bottom in order to complement the addition of a candle holder which is coming later.

 

Finally, in the remaining space in the bottom left of the circle we shall include a simplified version of the fifth pentacle of Jupiter, which “hath great power to assure visions”, and should allow alignment between the earth and the heavens, making it easier for us to contact Sherlock Holmes.

 

Once you’ve finished, the altar should look something like this (but on an oak board in paint, rather than on a piece of paper in felt-tip pen):

 

Now that the altar is ready, it will need positioning in the right time and place.

The better the place, the better the chances of success. If you can find somewhere with a connection to Holmes (any place significant to him in The Canon) this is ideal. Failing this, York, London, Sussex or the South Downs in general are good spaces. If you can find a place where violets are growing naturally, this is good. If not, ensure you bring your own to scatter around the altar once you have set it up. Another good plant to include in your space is holly, as it is from holly that the name Holmes is derived. If you really can’t get to anywhere significantly Holmesian, then choose the room in your house where you feel most connected to Holmes – the room you settle down to read The Canon the most, or the room which keeps your Holmesian collection.

Choosing a time is a more difficult prospect. 4am on any 6th January is a good bet. If you can make it a Wednesday, this is even better. Another good choice would be 1st April, as this is the date that Holmes was previously resurrected after his “death” at the Reichenbach Falls.  If you can, you should favour Wednesdays (Woden’s days) or Saturdays (Saturn’s days). Certain times of certain days are more connected to Saturn so, if you are not going for 6th January, choose your time of day based upon the day of the week as follows:

Sunday – 5pm

Monday – 9pm

Tuesday – 6pm

Wednesday – 5am

Thursday – 7pm

Friday – 11pm

Saturday – 8pm

If you can choose a moment when Mars is visible and/or the moon is in its first quarter (as was the case when Holmes was born), all the better.

Once you are in the right location at the right time, the altar should be placed so that the top edge is towards the north.

On each of the element's symbols you need to place a representation of the elements.

On the earth symbol to the north, we will place an amethyst crystal. If you can purchase this crystal in an area associated with Sherlock Holmes (e.g. London or the South Downs) it will be more effective.

Upon the water symbol in the west, place a small bowl of water. If possible, collect this water from either The Thames in London or the Reichenbach Fall in Switzerland. If neither of these are available, use dew - one of the most magical substances available to us as it is a gift to the earth from the heavens. Yes, it is a bugger to collect, but that's the price you pay if you want to summon the dead.

Upon the air symbol in the east, you can choose either a knife – preferably a jack-knife transfixing some symbolic letters – or a pipe in which you burn some sage. If you go for the knife, it would be a good idea to have some sage burning nearby anyway.

Upon the fire symbol in the south, place an iron candle stick holder in which you will burn a black candle. The colour of the candle is important because it is Saturn’s colour, it is the colour of death and it is the colour of Holmes’s candle derived from this speech by Watson in SIGN:

“You know, too, what a black reaction comes upon you. Surely the game is hardly worth the candle.” (Emphases mine.)

You should now stand to the south of the altar, facing it.

If you wish, you can now sacrifice a white cock by cutting its throat and collecting its blood in a zinc pail placed in the centre of the altar. If not, place your favourite copy of the complete Canon in the centre of the altar. Focus your attentions upon either the bucket or the book until you reach a meditative state of mind.

Now you are ready to begin your incantations (which I have lifted from The Lesser Key of Solomon). While facing the altar, repeat the following until you manage to summon the spirit of Sherlock Holmes:

I do invocate and conjure thee, O Spirit, Sherlock Holmes; and being with power armed from the Supreme Majesty, I do strongly command thee, by Beralanensis, Baldachiensis, Paumachia, and Apologiae Sedes; by the most Powerful Princes, Genii, Liachidæ, and Ministers of the Tartarean Abode; and by the Chief Prince of the Seat of Apologia in the Ninth Legion, I do invoke thee, and by invocating conjure thee. And being armed with power from the Supreme Majesty, I do strongly command thee, by Him Who spake and it was done, and unto whom all creatures be obedient. Also I, being made after the image of God, endued with power from God and created according unto His will, do exorcise thee by that most mighty and powerful name of God, El, strong and wonderful; O thou Sherlock Holmes. And I command thee and Him who spake the Word and His Fiat was accomplished, and by all the names of God. Also by the names Adonai, El, Elohim, Elohi, Ehyeh, Asher Ehyeh, Zabaoth, Elion, Iah, Tetragrammaton, Shaddai, Lord God Most High, I do exorcise thee and do powerfully command thee, O thou Sherlock Holmes., that thou dost forthwith appear unto me here before this Circle in a fair human shape, without any deformity or tortuosity. And by this ineffable name, Tetragrammaton Iehovah, do I command thee, at the which being heard the elements are overthrown, the air is shaken, the sea runneth back, the fire is quenched, the earth trembleth, and all the hosts of the celestials, terrestrials, and infernals do tremble together, and are troubled and confounded. Wherefore come thou, O Sherlock Holmes., forthwith, and without delay, from any or all parts of the world wherever thou mayest be, and make rational answers unto all things that I shall demand of thee. Come thou peaceably, visibly, and affably, now, and without delay, manifesting that which I shall desire. For thou art conjured by the name of the Living and True God, Helioren, wherefore fulfil thou my commands, and persist thou therein unto the end, and according unto mine interest, visibly and affably speaking unto me with a voice clear and intelligible without any ambiguity.

Once you have finished speaking to the ghost of Sherlock Holmes be sure to politely thank him and wipe down all surfaces with a damp cloth.


Any Other Business:

"The Entire Canon" (Paul Thomas Miller) waved this about: